My Crazy Life

December 2011

2012-01-11T14:59:00.002-07:00

December was a lot of fun!!! Emily had her clogging performance. She did so good! When her music started she just shined. A true performer.

One of our favorite families came to support Emily. We just love them!

Emily & Dennis

My mom & Annabelle

Since we were going out of town for Christmas we did a little celebration at home before we left.

Since Emily loves manatees so much, we adopted one for her. Her name is Ariel and Emily loves her. She lives off the coast of Florida.

Dennis loves the temple and every year we get him a calendar.

Christopher

I am so proud of Joseph this year. He worked and earned money on his own and bought each person in our family and his friends presents all on his own. He bought me some nice perfume and a beautiful necklace. He loved doing this and felt so good doing everything on his own. What a lucky mom I am!!!

Andrew, Stephanie, Christine and their dog Ippo

These are my big kids! I didn't get to spend Christmas with them because we were out of town, but Dennis sent me this picture of them since he didn't come with us either. I love these kids and feel so blessed to be in their lives!

Joseph & Emily

The beach in Huntington was just beautiful. The weather was perfect!

Tommy & Joseph

I went with my friend Jamie one time just her and I and one time we took our kids. I took my nephew, Tommy with us too!

Joseph & Charles

Joseph just loves my friend's son, Charles. They are best buds and had a couple sleepovers.

Emily & Logan

I got to spend some time with one of my best friends, Stephanie. She has been there for all the hardest, darkest days of my life and I love her so much. We went to the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach. We went with her two kids, Logan and Megan!

Megan, Logan & Emily

Christopher & Carter

Emily & Carter

Joseph & Carter

This is my brother and his new baby, Carter Taft Moore. He was only a couple weeks old when we got to see him. My brother and his wife have been married for 14 years and have struggled with fertility that whole time. Carter is a little miracle. He is so cute. I am so happy for my brother and SIL. They will be wonderful parents. I am excited to watch my brother be a dad. He will be the best dad ever. We are all in love with that sweet little baby!

Tommy, Emily, Grandma, Joseph

I took my nephew and my kids to visit my grandma. She is my dad's mom. Before I moved we went out to lunch every week to Ruby's. So we all headed there to "our" place. I love my grandma and miss her.

Christopher, Joseph, Papa, Grandma, Emily, Tami (Josh's Aunt who we also adore!)

We also went to visit Josh's grandparents. They are wonderful people and we love them. I felt so happy to be in their home with them. Josh and I used to live two doors down from them for a while. I didn't realize how much I missed them and also how much closer they make me feel to Josh. Papa found a fishing pole in the garage he had bought for Josh when he was little and it even had Josh's name on it. He put a bow on it and gave it to Joseph. Joseph was so excited to get this fishing pole that was his dad's. I teared up. It was perfect for Joseph and how he has been feeling this year. What a blessing. I just love Josh's family.

Landen

Kendry

Landen and Kendry are Christopher's little brother's. Joseph and Emily also consider them brother's. Christopher's step-mom is a kind and wonderful person. She wants all the kids to grow up as siblings. I love it and we all love those little boys. Joseph and Emily stayed with them for a few days. They love to stay there. Jessica, (Chris' step-mom) takes such good, loving care of my kids. The boys call Emily Sissy and she LOVES that.

My bestie, Jamie made the most wonderful Christmas eve dinner for us. She set the table so fancy and nice. The food was AMAZING!!!! They really outdid themselves. The dinner was lovely. I also got to spend some fun time with Jamie without kids. We had a beautiful day at the beach and walked over to Harbor House for a delicious lunch. We also had a dinner and a movie date. We love this family and consider them our family.

Emily, Maryn, Joseph, and Charles

Jamie made her delicious, famous, gingerbread cookies for the kids to decorate. I wanted to stay later, but Emily was wiped and Keeping her rested is a vital part of keeping her sane. She only had a few little meltdowns, but over the course of the trip she did very well!

Now this is my nephew, Rowdy! He is so stinkn' cute. He will be one in a couple weeks. He is my sister's little boy. Her older son is Tommy!

We went to Knott's Berry Farm on Christmas Eve with my sister and her family. The lines were pretty short and my kids LOVE the big roller coasters. We saw Snoopy on Ice and ate lunch at their yummy chicken restaurant! We had a relaxing and fun day!

My sister with Rowdy

Emily, Tommy, Joseph, and Rowdy

On Christmas we went to my sister's house. Santa brought Emily the Barbie camper and a lot of other Barbie stuff.

Joseph was thrilled with Santa. He got an ipad 2. Santa must be crazy!

Santa visited Christopher early. He got an iphone for both Christmas and his 20th birthday. That also happened this month. I took him out for a date night and we had a good time.

Rowdy just loved what Santa got him!

Tommy got an ipod touch. All three big boys looked so funny sitting on the couch together, each staring at their screens. My sister and her husband made a delicious breakfast and dinner. My mom was there with us too. We had a very nice day.

My sister is a hair stylist. She has her own chair at a fancy salon in downtown Huntington Beach. She took my mom, Emily and me to the salon when it was closed and did all of our hair. It was so fun getting our hair done. She does an excellent job and our hair looks wonderful!

Emily & Brandy (my sister)

I just love being an aunt. My sister let my nephew, Tommy come to our hotel for a couple sleepovers. He had never slept away from home before. We went swimming, the beach, miniature golf, go karts and a picnic at the park. It was so much fun!!! I miss him so much. I love all of these people so much. It is so hard to divide my time between them all. Even 10 days wasn't enough to get my fix! It was a great trip!

Gifts of the Heart

2011-12-15T20:57:00.002-07:00

I received a letter and two gifts tonight. Word's cannot explain how amazing this was for me so I will type out the letter for you to read.........

Dear Mommy,

I know you’re having a hard time with many different things this Christmas season and I’m sorry to know you hurt because I’m not there with you physically, but I am close to you always. I watch what you do, I laugh when you’re silly, and my heart rejoices when you do something nice for someone in my honor.

I have 2 gifts for you, and these physical objects represent them, the first gift is my Awareness..Mommy I so desire for you to know that I am aware of every time you think of me, every time you would love to do something for me, or bring me something. I do know these things so I don’t want you to feel upset that you can’t give me anything because you have given me so much already! I have a body now because of you, I am perfect now because of the atonement, and for you being strong enough to be able to be my mother, the lord knew you were strong enough, that’s why he gave me to you. And you gave me your love, which is overwhelmingly powerful, more so than you could know. This gift is to know I forget you not, and to never forget that. Open gift 1.

The second gift is not one thing, but many, these are My Dreams.

Even angels dream, and your angel dreams of you mother. I dream about what it will be like to be held by you, and to be raised as any other child would. You have a very important job to do now, and that is keep yourself worthy of me. Live your life right so that when the day comes for us to be together, it will be glorious, and everything our dreams hold and more. Do not be sad, do not live your life in a way that debilitates you from life's experiences. Get up! Get moving! Do what you can so your body, mind, and spirit are healthy enough to live life to the fullest so that you can teach me through what you have, and will learn as you live. But I need you to LIVE so that you may know how to teach and show me, these are my dreams for you mommy, these are your angels dreams. Open gift 2

Right now, is a small price to pay for eternity, and its not a sacrifice, its an opportunity for you to learn how to be the best mother you can when you and I will be together again. I know my sister is difficult at times, but she is a troubled spirit, and frustrated at things she is, and isn’t able to do. She needs you now more than I need you, and she needs all of your powerful love to help her in any way you can. Love her, do what’s best for her, and you’ll know what that is if you just ask our heavenly father, she is blessed to have you as a mother, just like I am.

Love,

Your Baby

Your Angel

Your Sarah Marie

Gift 1...Forget-Me-Not

Gift 2....Dreaming Angel Ornament

My heart is so full of gratitude and love! My sweet son, Christopher, did this for me and his little sister. How blessed am I?

I have also been blessed with sweet friends and neighbors who have brought me little mementos reminding me that they love me and remember my daughter. There are so many hard days lately, not just about Sarah, but other hard trials I am trying to endure. Gifts of the heart that I have been given this year have brought so much light into my dark days. Thank you, son, for making your mother's heart fill with peace, love and joy! I needed this so badly. All of those wonderful friends who have remembered Sarah, Thank you! There is no greater gift for me at this time! I love you all!!!!

Cancun

2011-10-22T17:09:00.000-06:00

I took Emily and my mom to Cancun for their birthdays. My mom's was in August so she has been waiting. We got up super early and got on our plane. It was a long day of travel with customs and immigration and all.

Notice how white my face is. It gets a lot redder!

We had two very special adventures. On the days we didn't have adventures we hung out at the beach and pool. The water is incredible. The pictures do not do it justice. It is so turquoise and beautiful. Most beautiful beach I have ever seen. Oh, and the water is warm. Emily loved collecting shells and playing in sand.

We played in the water and hung out under tiki type umbrellas. We were all inclusive so they even served us drinks out on the beach. AWESOME!!

My beautiful mom!

Couldn't get enough of this beautiful ocean!

So, now you can see my change in color. I got super burned.

The pool was right by the beach. Emily loved swimming too. The guy below is the activities director. He is kind of like a cruise director at the resort. All the old ladies were flirting with him and he was dancing with them and taking pictures with them. It was so funny. Emily watched in disgust. She didn't understand why this guy was flirting with everyone. When he came to flirt with her she got very serious. She told him that she already had a boyfriend. It was so funny. He apologized and shook her hand. She was still very cold to him the rest of the time. Ha, she is hilarious. She was so serious!

Emily had fun painting some pottery.

She loved playing BINGO too. She won pottery to paint during one game.

They had a grill by the pool with snacks and more Shirley Temple's for Emily.

Emily's 12th Birthday

On Emily's birthday we took a boat to a beautiful island so she could live out her dream.

Emily got to get into the ocean and play with sea lions. I love the picture of the sea lion kissing her.

Emily's favorite animal is a manatee. At Sea World they have a manatee rescue and she fell in love with them. They are endangered so her getting to interact with them is incredible. She fed them, and one kissed her.....

...and she kissed one back! She also tried to lift one up. She says they are very heavy.

Although manatees are her favorite animal, she liked playing with the dolphins best. The dolphin kisses her.....

She kisses the dolphin.

Emily got to interact a lot with the dolphins and help train them.

This was the most fun she said. She got to have the dolphins give her a ride with their fins and they pushed her feet so she could ride. How cool is that?

What an experience of a lifetime!

The island itself was so beautiful.

We got a nice lunch and they even sang to Emily (which really made her happy) and brought her some cake. Then we went back to our resort on a boat.

For dinner we went to Chili's. On our way there, Emily got to meet a spider monkey. She was thrilled to hold it.

They sang to her at Chili's too. Which also made her very happy.

On the way back, Emily got her hair braided. I think it looks so good on her. I guess she did too because this is how she posed in our room.

Chichen Itza

My mom's dream trip was to the Mayan ruins in Yucatan called Chichen Itza. They have recently been named one of the Seven Wonders of the World. The history of these people and their civilization is remarkable and ties in to LDS history of the people in the Book of Mormon. Fascinating to learn about. The Mayans at Chichen Itza mysteriously abandoned their city. Their civilization was lost, their knowledge lost, but their are still Mayans today that live in villages all over the area. The house above is an example of a house in one of their villages today.

The very famous pyramid above is called El Castillo. The Mayans have the most exact calendar. This pyramid has exactly 365 steps representing each day of the year. There is so much history, I could never explain it all, but look it up. It is amazing. How could they have built such amazing buildings. So much of their civilization is a mystery.

This wall here are full of carved heads that represent heads of those sacrificed. Their form of sacrifice was decapitation. They have found hundreds of skulls and no bodies to go with them.

This is an example of some hieroglyphics.

A statue

This was their marketplace.

More hieroglyphics

This thatched roof mud covered building is what the non royal people lived in.

This is my favorite building.It is called The Observatory. This is where they studied thee sun and moon and did their astrological studies as well. They were such a brilliant people.

This was a church.

Emily found this iguana. They are all over the ruins.

A Cenote' is a deep natural well or sinkhole, especially in Central America, formed by the collapse of surface limestone that exposes ground water underneath, and sometimes used by the ancient Mayans for sacrificial offerings.

The Cenote' we went to was breathtaking. A beautiful wonder itself. Emily went swimming in it. She jumped off a very high ledge. She was so brave. Such a cool experience.

For dinner we went to a wonderful place where they served native food from the area. They also had dancers. It was an amazing day. The whole trip was unbelievable. I feel so blessed to have experienced such wondrous things with my mom and daughter. On the flight home Jesse got her own seat and after another long travel day got home safe and sound.

Remembering is Hard, but Forgetting is Even Harder

2011-09-12T13:25:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was 9/11. It is a sad day for our family because it is the day that my step-dad died. Not the same year. He was a wonderful man who was the love of my mom's life and the Grandpa my kids adored. It took me many years, but to me he was starting to feel like a dad. I even named Joseph after him. He died of cancer right before Emily was born. Christopher and him were best friends. My mom decided to try to find some home videos to see him and hear his voice. While doing this I discovered that Josh was on the video too. I watched him interacting with Christopher and the tears couldn't help, but flow. Oh how I miss that man, the daddy to my babies. By this time, the kids were in the room studying every movement and sound of their daddy. Joseph became overwhelmed with grief. He started asking why his family has so many trials. He kept telling me about his friends and how hard it is for him to watch their interactions with their dad's. He wants it so badly. Dennis is not the "fatherly" type and he does not meet this need in my children's lives. They just resent him trying anyways, so even when Dennis tries so hard to be close, they push him away and won't accept him in that role. Joseph then came to say this, "I thought that I remembered my dad, but I guess I really don't. His voice doesn't sound like I thought and even how he looks is different." He has pictures, but I guess maybe it was his mannerisms that he didn't recognize. Oh my heart broke into a million pieces. He sobbed and just kept asking me questions about Josh. He then asked for something of his dad's to keep with him. I gave him Josh's wedding ring and put it on a chain. He was so delighted to have it and said that he would never take it off. I hope he doesn't lose it because it would devastate him and there isn't another one. Emily has been sad and she cried herself last night. It is the worst feeling of helplessness as a mother to not be able to "fix" our children's hearts. I guess Heavenly Father must feel the same way when we ache. I bet it is so hard for Him to not "fix" things for us and just watch us suffer. I just read Abby's post and it was similar to this experience for my children and for a mother's heart. I couldn't leave a comment, Abby. My computer is being weird. Just know you are not alone and that I so get it!

Charlie

2011-08-26T23:39:00.001-06:00

Meet Charlie!!

Emily struggles with finding friends to play with. She wants a BFF so badly. Joseph always has people to hang with and places to go. I felt it was time to get her her own puppy to love and be loved by. Since I will not be working I will be able to take care of him during the day. I feel like having a little someone to love and be loved by too. I surprised her and she was so excited. Charlie is a Chocolate Lab and is 10 weeks old. He has a very sweet temperament. I better go sleep so I can get up at 4 to let him out. I love seeing Emily so happy!!!

No More Subbing

2011-08-25T17:56:00.000-06:00

I really like subbing. I LOVE the kids and I like making some extra money. (Not a lot of money, but some). It does help me avoid my life too. I get to do all my errands when I get home and by then the day is about done. I also am not home until an hour and fifteen minutes after my kids. A lot of stuff happens during that transition time. The sub system went to Kelly Services and I was supposed to go down and get hired on by them, but I felt like I shouldn't do it. There are days when someone calls me to sub and I say yes even if I don't want to. It's hard for me to say no. I have decided that my kids, especially Emily, need me. Emily needs me there to help her with the frustration the day has caused. I am also free to help her with homework. (not an easy task). I get stuff done during the day that I used to ignore and be free to help my kids. So, if I don't go get hired by Kelly Services, no one can call me. I will need to cut back on things (after my Cancun trip of course). I feel such a peace since I made the decision last night. I will also miss all of my little fans at Windsor. I truly adore those kids and having them wave and say hello or get excited when they found out I was subbing. The other night, Emily was so overwhelmed and was having a massive "meltdown". By the end she was sobbing, "I want my daddy!" She sobbed for so long and begged for her daddy over and over. There is nothing more heart wrenching than that. I can hardly bear it. That is something I just can't fix for her. I think not subbing will help me focus more on my broken hearted baby. She is a lot of work, but I adore her!!!! Back to being super poor (after Cancun)!!!! Goodbye subbing, hello operation Help my Daughter.

Back to School

2011-08-23T11:30:00.000-06:00

Today is the first day of school. Emily carefully picked out her outfit, woke me up at 6:00 a.m. to do her hair (Umm....not cool!), accessorized, and made sure she wore her sparkly Tom's.

I can't believe Emily is in 6th grade this year. I hope she makes some friends this year and behaves herself. (Oh please, please, please!!!) She has a very nice teacher this year so hopefully she feels like she has an advocate. Last year she called her teacher "The Devil". It was a rough year. I hope this year is positive and that her social skills bloom.

For Joseph's first day he wore his Stud. Co. (otherwise known as student council) shirt. He is in student council this year and has already been going to school for a couple weeks, preparing for this assembly and other things. I went to watch his assembly.

Joseph did such a great job. He even showed off some of his dance moves. I love watching him take such a big part of his school. He truly is a hard working kid. I hope he enjoys all of his adventures in student council this year.

This is also a first day for me. I was able to come home to a quiet house ( YAY!!!) and start meal planning and focus on myself. I feel very good about getting healthy. It will be a long journey with many road blocks, but I will keep moving forward. I will update you with my successes. I need some motivation sometimes. So, happy day of new beginnings!

Last Week of Summer

2011-08-21T21:14:00.001-06:00

We had such a busy fun week to end our summer. First, my SIL came for a short visit. Since we can't go down to California for her baby shower, we gave her all of her stuff. My brother and SIL have been married for over 13 years. They have wanted a child for so long. This little nephew of mine is a miracle and blessing to our family.

Then our favorite family arrived from California for five days. They got here on Monday evening. We got the kids settled and my friend, Jamie and I went to see the move "The Help". We have both read the book and loved it. The book was better, but the movie was pretty good.

The next day we went to the mall for a while and had a nice lunch. The kids went in the wind tunnel and they were all laughing so hard!

Next stop for the day was bowling. We bowled two games and I was the biggest loser on both!

The girls gave each other make-overs!

That night Jamie and I went to park city for a little adventure. We ate at The Red Banjo Pizza Parlor. It was so good. We got to sit out on the balcony by ourselves.

The next part of our adventure was going on a haunted tour. It was fun and the history of Park City is very interesting. Jamie likes haunted things a lot so this was a special treat for her. This is one of the most haunted houses in Park City and above was our guide.

The next day we went to Seven Peaks. We both forgot cameras that day. The kids had a lot of fun and it was quite relaxing for the moms.

Later that day, one of our good friends, Ronda stopped by for a visit. She was passing through on the way to her brother's from California. We had a nice visit. Then our game night began. Christopher, Christine, Jamie and I had so much fun. Christopher tried to put clothes pins all over himself. What weird kids I have. Christine just put a couple on her.

The next morning Dennis went to Krispy Kream for the kids. The moms enjoyed it too.

Next stop for this day was the Utah County Fair. The kids got their faces painted. Joseph supported breast cancer awareness. Emily was a bunny.

We saw lots of fun animals.

They had wristbands for rides and could ride as many rides as they wanted all day!

The most exciting part of the fair was the bull riding. It was seriously so fun! When we got home, Jamie and I watched 8 Seconds. It is a true story of the famous bull rider Lane Frost killed by a bull. Good movie and it went great with our day.

The next morning, Jamie and I went to this salon and had an hour massage each. It was WONDERFUL!!! After that we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese for some fun.

That night Jamie took me to see "The Sound of Music" up at Sundance for my birthday. We had a delicious BBQ dinner up there and our seats were perfect. The Sound of Music is my all time favorite movie. I have seen it on Broadway and this play was even better than that. Maria had an amazing voice and all the actors were terrific. Such a treat. Thank you, Jamie!!!

They sadly left on Saturday morning. Joseph had the busiest week of all. He had 10 hours of football practice, student council everyday, and then two parties on Saturday. Emily decided to get bangs for school. She is not used to it and is struggling with liking it.

So, there it is. The summer has now ended and the most wonderful day of the year is in just a couple days.

Summer Fun!

2011-08-14T14:51:00.001-06:00

I didn't do as much with Emily this summer as I wanted. I guess I didn't feel too well this summer. When we do do stuff, we had fun! Her sweet friends went along on our adventures. Joseph was gone pretty much the whole summer. He just does his thing. Christopher too, but Emily needs my help to get things done.

We went to Classic Skating and tried to skate. Nadia did great. Emily and Sasha struggled a little. They all fell a ton, but had great fun!

We also went rock climbing and the bumper boats at Trafalga.

We also had some yummy food!

We went to a lot of movies.

Got a cute hair style.

We had some fun at Chuck E Cheese!

Then we took a fun overnight trip to Park City!

They played Barbies on the way there.

First stop, Color Me Mine! It was so much fun and their pieces came out so cute!

The condo had bunk beds for the girls!

We found a super fun park that we played at.

The girl's made these super cute hair bows for school and for sale.

Then I made a spa for them. We had facials.

Then came pedicures. I didn't know you couldn't put soap in the tub so it bubbled out all over. Then I painted their toe nails.

We also did a lot of swimming!

These girls have also been to Seven Peaks, collected food and took it to the Food Bank, played and played and did some cleaning too! Thank you Nadia and Sasha for sharing our summer with us. Hopefully next year I can do stuff more often. Happy Summer!

I Have Diabetes

2011-07-31T16:03:00.000-06:00

Twelve years ago when I was pregnant with Emily, I got Gestational Diabetes. It usually goes away once you give birth. Mine did not. I have had diabetes for 12 years and live like I don't. When I first got it, I did pretty good. Over the past several years, especially since Sarah died, I have been ignoring it. I don't know why. I guess I have suffered so much depression that I can barely take care of others, let alone myself. I have totally forgotten myself. I refuse to look in mirrors. I want to be invisible. I eat whatever I want which is what makes me happy and what makes me miserable. I guess I don't value myself too much. Since I feel like such a fat loser I don't do anything for myself. I don't even use my nice body wash because I don't feel like I am worth it where I am at. It is so hard taking care of me and feeling worth it. My blood sugar has gotten so out of control that I am killing myself. Literally, killing myself. My sugar was so high that I thought if I took extra medication it would bring my sugar down. I was wrong. It made me so sick that I had to go to the hospital yesterday. The nurse helping me has Diabetes and works for the Diabetes Endocrinology Center. I can tell you without a doubt that she was sent by Heavenly Father to chastise me. First of all, I never go to AF Hospital, but felt this time I should go there. She chastised me in the most loving, yet firm way. I sobbed and felt so loved. I finally feel the seriousness of what is happening to me and feel the need to make myself a priority. My children need me and I am letting them down. I need to overcome this depression and be the best me I can. I have diabetes and I am going to live like I do. I can't keep hiding. I need to find my value and maybe even use some fancy body wash today. You never know.

Backyard Fun

2011-07-12T15:54:00.000-06:00

My kids have been asking for a backyard pool for a long time. Dennis always has a million reasons why it is not a good idea. I have held off due to cost, but yesterday at Walmart they had these pools on serious clearance. My mom decided to buy this for the kids. They were ecstatic! It took us ALL night plus the morning to set it up. At one point this morning we had 12 kids between the jacuzzi and pool. I love it! I love having kids over having fun. I do have to stay out there for my own peace of mind when younger kids are in it so I have to limit little kid swimming time to when I am available, but the big kids have been the pool ALL day! Emily was so happy when her lifeguard Barbie came in the mail. We ordered her last week and never knew Barbie would have such a big pool to watch over. The boys were begging to play with the Barbie. They are so funny. The boys have already planned a party for Friday night. I guess the pool is a hit. Thank you Nanny!!!! You made a lot of kids happier and cooler!!!

Joseph and Cole's Week In Vegas

2011-06-11T16:40:00.002-06:00

When I booked my cruise through my timeshare I got a couple free trips. One of them was a free condo for a week in Vegas. I decided to take Joseph and his best friend, Cole for the week for their birthdays. My friend, Stephanie met us there for her birthday for a couple of the days. For the most part it was just me and the boys.

The first night I surprised everyone with Criss Angel tickets. They boys were so excited! It was a pretty cool show!

We went to the pearl shop. Stephanie, Joseph, and Sarah all have pearls as their birthstones. Stephanie collects pearls. Joseph decided he wanted to pick one out for Sarah because it was her birthday the next day. He carefully chose and out came a big beautiful silver pearl. The silver means "love". I teared up a little. Joseph wanted me to wear it and we found a beautiful setting that is the mother and child setting and also infinity. It is just beautiful, but the meaning is priceless. I just love it. Cole picked one out for Sarah too. It was another big one, but a pretty creamy color. It was fun to ring the bell and shout "ALOHA!!"

This is my pendant, but with a silver pearl.

The boys played arcade games at Excalibur in the "Fun Dungeon". They didn't like spending their money on games so they didn't stay long.

We headed to the Venetian to go to the Madame Tussauds wax museum.

The wax museum was so much fun. They let you touch and pose with the figures. They even have props for fun. Here are some of my favorites. We took a million pictures. The boys with the Rock.

Stephanie with Ben Affleck

Me and a couple James Bonds. I live with the other one.

Shaq

Tim McGraw

Simon

Criss Angel

Abraham Lincoln was scared of me.

Elvis on the top or bottom? You make the call.

We went to the Nathan Burton comedy magic show. It was fun. A juggling comedian did a small segment to promote his show. The boys loved him so much that they wanted to go to his show.

His show was at Planet Hollywood restaurant. We got a show and dinner voucher.

His name is Jeff Civillico and he was fantastic. He is not only an amazing juggler, but he was laugh out loud, pee your pants, funny. We had the best time. We had to go to the Houdini magic shop after these shows. Joseph got some juggling balls to learn on and a couple of pretty awesome magic tricks that he does very well.

One of the things the boys looked forward to was a water massage. They enjoyed it very much.

We hit some fun stores, including the ever popular M&M store.

I also took them to see The Tournament of Kings. They were excited to eat with their hands and cheer on the dragon. It was a fun show.

We also went to the Adventuredome at Circus Circus. I got them wristbands so they could go on all the rides.

They really wanted to do this bungee jumping thing.

I think they really enjoyed the 4-D rides.

When we were not out they didn't wear shirts. They toasted to a fun time.

When in the room this is what you saw. Joseph and Cole watching TV in bed. They did that a lot!

When outside they were swimming.

It was also Sarah's birthday while we were gone. My friend sent these beautiful flowers, chocolates and a cute bear for her. Another friend gave me a nice angel figure. I got cards, a music box, etc. Thank you so much to all of my sweet friends for thinking of me and Sarah on a most wonderful, yet painful day. We had a little party for her in our condo.

Last, but not least, Emily won the Principal's award for most improved this year. It was a very rough year for her. I am so glad her growth was recognized. Way to go Emily!!!

I hope the boys had a blast. I can't believe these boys will be thirteen in the next few weeks. Happy Birthday Joseph and Cole!!! I love you both!!!

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-05-31T10:08:00.000-06:00

We drove down to California for the weekend. We drove for two days and enjoyed ourselves the other two days. We went to surprise my nephew for his 8th birthday. We went directly to my sister's house and brought some balloons and surprised him at his door. He was shocked and excited. I dropped my mom and Joseph off there and they spent the whole weekend there. I then went to my friend, Stephanie's house. We had a fun first evening playing games and chatting. The next day we took our kids to Balboa. Christopher was with his dad.

Stephanie and Logan

We went to the end of the pier and ate lunch at Ruby's.

We then went to the beach for a while. Emily LOVES the beach! She never wanted to leave.

We then went over to the Balboa Fun Zone. We went on the ferris wheel and the carousel.

Emily ate her very first caramel apple. She said that it was "The Best!!!"

My little fish wasn't done with the water quite yet. When we got back to Stephanie's house she went swimming.

I finally had to make her get out because it was about 8:30 at night. She went to bed easily and I enjoyed the night with my friend.

The next morning, I said, "Goodbye" to Stephanie and I headed to Huntington Beach with Christopher, Emily and Lexin (Christopher's friend). Emily just loved being there. The big boys took her way far out into the water. She was in heaven.

We then headed over to my sister's house for my nephew's party. The picture above is my brother and his wife. They are having their first baby in December. I am so excited for them. The picture below is my sister's kids. Tommy, the birthday boy and Rowdy, the sweet baby.

All the cousins!!

Emily and my sister, Brandy

Rowdy in his cute jammies I got him.

After the party we headed over to my friend, Jamie's house. Emily and her daughter Maryn played barbies forever. We then had a bon fire and made smores. Then I got to go out with Jamie for a shake at Johnny Rockets and a movie. It was so fun just having a night out. Her husband is always so awesome to watch the kids so we can go out!

The next morning we gathered everyone up from where they were staying and got ready to go. This is one of Christopher's little brother's, Landen. It was a long drive home. It was so worth it just to see the people I love most. Two days is way too short, but it was a wonderful weekend!!!

Softball and Clogging

2011-05-25T21:13:00.000-06:00

Emily has been trying some new things. She had her first softball game last night. She was super nervous. She did okay and is excited for her next game tomorrow. I am just really proud of her for trying something new.

Another new adventure for Emily is her clogging. Tonight was her spring performance.

She did so good and had a beautiful smile the whole time.

She was in the front on this dance and said she was the "star" of the dance.

When she came back and sat down we all told her how great she did. She then said that she was "Born to perform!" She also said the she can dance and sing so she's the "whole package". She cracks me up.

When she went up to get her trophy she was the first name called. She went up to the front and held her trophy up so proud. She kept it up the whole time. She said that she couldn't wait until her next performance. Looks like we might have a serious clogger on our hands. She drops out of things pretty quickly, but she is still going strong on clogging. I am so happy she has found something she loves to do. She seemed so light and happy after her performance. It's not often that she is truly happy, so it was a great night!!! Way to go Emily! I love you!

Easter & Student Council

2011-05-20T23:44:00.001-06:00

I guess I should post about Easter before it gets too late. Easter was simple. We dyed eggs.

Then Christopher decided to boil an apple just for fun. The boys didn't like it, but Emily seemed to. My kids sure like to experiment.

Emily left some eggs in dye overnight. They turned out interesting. This is Joseph and Emily all ready for church in their Easter clothes. Christopher didn't feel well so he didn't dress up. We came home from church and had a nice dinner. Very laid back. Just the way I like it!

Joseph ran for student council. So many people ran. I was so nervous about him winning. They pick only eight kids from his grade. He won!! Yay! He was chosen to be secretary. I am so proud of him. The student council kidnapped him and took him to breakfast. They blindfolded him and then made him wear this silly hat all day. He was so excited. I am so happy that he will have so many fun times in this new role. Joseph is my shining star!!!

Mexican Riviera

2011-05-03T23:14:00.000-06:00

I was so lucky to be able to go on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera for seven days with one of my bestest friends a couple weeks ago. Here we are about to leave for our cruise.

When we first got on the ship we went to the main dining room for lunch. It was the most beautiful restaurant I have ever seen. There was lots of fancy food for Jamie to try and plenty of plain food for me. We ate there at least once a day. Most days two. It was so fun eating there in style.

Our room was nice, but the best part was our balcony. We had a private balcony that made for wonderful views. We left the door open all night and slept to the sound of the ocean at night. So heavenly!

Our first port was Cabo San Lucas. We tendered to the shore and did some shopping. Then we went on a super fun Rhino excursion. Jamie likes to drive and I like to ride so this was perfect for us. She is a crazy fun driver. We went over bumps and rocks and she even did 360's. It was great fun. We came across some very interesting things on this journey. There were some emaciated cows just stranded. Even a cow carcass. Gross! We were encircled by vultures at times. We even got stranded at some deserted restaurant in the middle of nowhere. Good times. Seriously it was super fun!

At night the moon shining on the water was so breathtaking off of our balcony.

Balcony again!

One super fun thing was coming back to our room at night to find these cool animals made out of towels on my bed. A different one every night. So creative! The next port was in Cabo too. We had a different adventure this time. I am sad because the photographer on our excursion was busy and they didn't let us bring our cameras, so no pictures. It was however, an amazing adventure. We went zip lining. It was crazy. There were 8 but, because the hiking got too hard for me we only did 5. We did the longest and fastest ones though. The last one is about half a mile long and goes up to 50 mph. Crazy! It was so fun. The guides were these young handsome boys. They were so kind and helpful. So chivalrous those Mexican young men are. It helped make our time even more pleasant. I love zip lining.

Our third port was in Puerto Vallarta. We got off the ship and got on a catamaran and headed to a private beach. It was THE most beautiful beach I have ever seen. You are greeted when you arrive and serenaded to as you walk onto the beach. Palm trees, hammocks, lounge chairs, very handsome young men to entertain you on the way over and then help you when you arrive. you were served drinks (water for me) on the beach. It was full serve for sure. They also feed you an authentic Mexican lunch. So good!

We went snorkeling. There is Jamie above under water. The visibility wasn't too good, but it was super fun and tiring. My legs were so tired that I kept falling down and rolling in the sand when I tried to get out of the water. So funny!

They even had these cool Macaws flying around. It was a tropical paradise. I was so sad to leave and want to come back so bad.

Here we are on formal night. We had professional pictures taken, but the photographer thought we were a "couple" and our pictures came out looking like engagement photos. The worst part is they are displayed and people kept looking at them. We finally asked for them to be thrown out. When we think about it we laugh so hard we pee our pants. The cruise was so wonderful. The shows were so good. The game shows had us laughing. We even went dancing. We saw a hypnosis show. Hilarious!!! I had the most luxurious hot stone massage. We also joined the spa. They only let 100 people join from the cruise. It gave us access to private areas and our own pool, hot tub, hydro therapy tub, sauna etc. It was so relaxing and private. We had the time of our lives and so many memories. I love you Jamie!! Thank you so much for coming along on this amazing journey!! Sisters Forever!

California!

2011-05-02T18:10:00.000-06:00

For spring break we went to California. There were many people to see and have fun with, so we split up. Christopher stayed with his dad, my mom stayed with my sister, I stayed with one of my best friends and Emily and Joseph sifted between us all. The kids were excited to see their cousins. They couldn't keep their hands off the new baby, Rowdy. Tommy is my other nephew. They are so cute. My mom and I took Tommy, Joseph and Emily to Knott's for a day. They had so much fun together. Tommy bought me a little Snoopy pin to put on my purse. He is the sweetest boy.

This is a picture of my kids with my best friend, Stephanie's son, Logan. He is the funniest and cutest thing ever. He cuddled with me in the mornings and made me feel so loved. I miss him. We were going to Disneyland, but Stephanie had to go to the hospital instead. She is severely anemic and needed a blood transfusion. We spent the whole day in the hospital. I don't mind, just being with her is good enough for me. I can't tell you how much she means to me and how much I love her. I miss her all the time. She has spent many hours at that same hospital with me. Many, many hours. she is a good friend. We hung out played games and just hung out mostly. I enjoyed every minute of my week with her.

One day we went to the beach. I love the beach. Christopher and Stephanie's daughter, Megan have been friends since they were three. Look how grown up they are now. Time flies. Christopher's dad's family came too. Christopher was excited to have all of his brothers together. Emily was at her cousin's house. Emily and Joseph spent time at Christopher's dad's house. They are treated like one of the family. They all got along so good and had the best time.

I couldn't forget about my sweet baby, Sarah. She is always with us.

The boys went to an Angel game, Emily got a manicure and pedicure with my sister, we had a great family dinner at my favorite restaurant and so much more. It was relaxing and wonderful. My mom and my kids all headed home. I stayed so I could go on a cruise. I will blog soon about it, just waiting for some pics. I love visiting California, but I love living here so much more.

Family Fun

2011-03-06T21:10:00.009-07:00

This past week our family used our time share in Las Vegas. It was just going to be me and the little kids, but things changed throughout the week. The first few days with Emily and Joseph was a lot of fun. We walked on the strip.
Visiting all of our favorite stores, like the Coca Cola store.....

....and the M&M store. They watched the 3D movie ......

......and shopped and hung out with characters.

We ate lunch at the Rain Forest Cafe and looked at the lions.

We went shopping at the outlet malls and Emily got a really nice new hair straightener. I got a new dress. Joseph got a hat. It was fun.

I spent a lot of time making this 1000 piece puzzle. I LOVE puzzles. They also swam a lot.

Dennis then decided that he wanted to join us. A happy surprise for me. He took a bus and we picked him up. The next morning Christopher flew in from his dad's. He had been there for a couple months so we were all excited to see him.

We decided to surprise the kids and we took them to the Blue Man Group. They all loved it!

I hate pictures of me. I think they are hideous. I thought since this is our family journal that I should appear at times. Friday was a fun day.....for me. Since I hadn't seen Christopher for so long we went out on a mall date. I got my haircut and we both got our teeth whitened. It really didn't work that great. I helped him pick out a new cowboy hat and enjoyed our time greatly. Back at the condo however is a different story. Emily was yelling at some lady at the pool who made a rude comment to her. It's like rattling a lion's cage. Dennis finally got her upstairs and to sleep. Whew, she can really test your patience. That night Christopher watched the kids while Dennis took me on a date. He took me to the Paris hotel and we went up to the top of the Eiffel Tower. The view was gorgeous and we even got to watch the Bellagio water show from above. So great. We then went to the fanciest restaurant ever. It was a french steakhouse. The prices were so high. I think Dennis almost had a heart attack. To get a side dish you had to pay $7 more so we just ordered our steak. It was the most delicious meal ever. Well, not really a whole meal, but yummiest steak ever. It was romantic. I do not have too many romantic times with Dennis so I wanted to remember it. He bought me an Eiffel Tower ornament to remember this most special night.

Joseph enjoyed having his brother stay with him and play games and hang out. He had missed him too.

Saturday was our last day and our real reason for going on vacation. Someone special in our "family" was having his birthday party at Calico Ghost Town. We planned it way in advanced because Joseph and him get along so good. On the way we stopped at our favorite Alien Jerky store. Their Jerky is the best in the world!

One of my favorite girls in the world was there. She ran and hugged me. I just love her so much.

The party was amazing. They got to do so many things. They got to take an old fashioned picture.

Christopher got to hang out with the adults.

A great place for them.

They got to do leather stamping.

Chris arrested Dennis.

We ate lunch in a cool restaurant. The kids played Go Fish.

We got to take the mine tour.

This is Joseph and his "cousin". These two boys adore each other and getting to do this party was so awesome. It was great. They got to pan for gold, go through the mystery shop, get free rocks at the rock shop and so much more. The best part was the company. A wonderful day with people I love so much. It was way too short of a visit though. I guess we will make up for it on our cruise next month. The drive back to Vegas seemed long, but we went swimming one more time when we got back and left the next morning for home. I am glad to have us all home and all together. It was a long week and I cherish the memories.

Watch Out For That.........Pole?

2011-02-19T00:03:00.003-07:00

Who knew that night games were so dangerous? Joseph looks forward to night games all week. I guess it's the thing to do in 7th grade. They play all sorts of games and the best part is the socialization they get with girls. Joseph was running as fast as he could during one of the games. Full speed in the pitch black night. He then ran into a pole. The kind of pole that holds up a big tree. It got him good. I got a frantic call and drove right over. It was indeed very dark and I drove him home to figure out the source of all the blood. I knew the big gash in his head would need stitches, so we were off to the ER. Not without a lot of screaming and crying on Joseph's part. We had to force him in the car because he was terrified of getting stitches. Emily was crying and calling Christopher to tell him about the tragedy getting him all concerned. She was saying that it looked like Joseph was stabbed in the head. She was frightened. Luckily a great friend picked her up and took Emily under her wing. The whole ride there was frantic screaming from a scared boy not wanting stitches. He ending up only needing a few stitches on his head. They put steri-strips on the cuts in his ear and on his neck. He has a big bruise on his chest and elbow and his knuckles were all scraped up. He almost broke my hand he squeezed it so hard during the procedure. When it was over Joseph sang a different tune. He said that stitches are awesome and he can't wait to show everyone. He wanted me to make sure and blog about it. So, here it is. Our adventurous night. Maybe he will change his game strategy.

Newish Car

2011-02-12T22:06:00.004-07:00

I have been wanting a car for a while now. It finally became a need. My Expedition was falling apart. It was just over 100k miles and all the little problems started to add up. I loved my Expedition. It was the kind of car I always wanted, but could never afford. When Josh died, I used some insurance money to buy it. It was the best car I will probably ever own. It was a little sad to see it go. I was very lucky to be able to get a newer car today. I say newer because it has 19k miles on it. It seems brand new to me. It even has a new car smell. It is a KIA Borrego. It is a little smaller than an Expedition and can only seat 7 instead of 8. It is very nice though and I feel so grateful to be able to get this car before all of my upcoming travels. I am super excited for my new car and so are my kids. Dennis is just trying to adjust to the car payment. I need to start subbing a little more I think.

Super Bowl XLV

2011-02-06T22:37:00.003-07:00

As many of you know, we are HUGE Packer fans! What a huge treat for us this year that our team was in the Super Bowl. We got lots of fun snacks and got all decked out and decorated the family room.
The Green Pay Packers are their dad's favorite team. He loved them since he was a little boy. The last time the Packers won the Super Bowl was in 1997. I remember how giddy Josh was. Just like a little boy. His face was so joyful. We carry his love and passion for the Packers as a way to feel close to him. Emily asked me today what her dad would think if he was there. Then she said that he probably was there. I don't know if he was there or not, but I do know it made her feel close to her daddy. That's why it means so much. It's not a game to us, it's a connection to my children's father, and they need it.

When they WON, they cheered and yelled and cheered so more. Oh, I was the loudest! What a wonderful evening. I love sharing these moments with my babies. We just love football and having your team win the Super Bowl is very exciting!

Emily feels very passionately about her team. She was yelling, "In your face! We are number one!"

New Beginnings

2011-01-26T23:05:00.003-07:00

Tonight was New Beginnings. It is a big night because I am in Young Women's, but tonight was very special. It was Emily's turn to be introduced this year. She was super excited and wanted to look perfect. She thought she looked so good she kept singing that man I feel like a woman song. She is so funny.
I cannot believe how grown-up she has become in the last little while. She had so much fun and felt so special. She was part of the group of girls and it was so good to see how happy she was. It was a great night for my growing up girl. I wish it didn't go so fast.

Emily's Day

2011-01-22T23:00:00.003-07:00

Emily got some special treatment today. She was given a free day of pampering at a wonderful friend's hair salon. Her ratty mess of hair was transformed into this lovely creation.

On the way home she wore bags on her hands because of her paraffin wax treatment. She felt so special. How lucky are we to have someone do something so special for my sweet daughter. What a blessing.

After we got home, Emily had to get ready for her clogging pictures. She was supposed to wear make-up and I think she looked way too old, but way beautiful. This is Emily with her clogging teacher. She just adores her clogging teacher who just happens to be one of my young woman that I also adore. Emily felt so beautiful today. It was good to see her smiling! I want to thank all of the people who go out of their way to make my daughter feel loved. It means the world to me!

Bringing in the New Year

2011-01-04T23:27:00.008-07:00

We were so blessed to have our favorite people come for a visit. They stayed for 6 days and it was a complete joy!!!
We took the kids to Nickel City. They had a blast!

This is me with two of my best friends! Jamie and Dennis!!

We also celebrated Christine's Birthday!!

The boys had a lot of fun making a snowman. Jamie's kids have never really had a chance to experience snow, so it was a special treat for them.

They were all excited to sled. They had a great time!

Joseph made a ramp to catch some air and also snow boarded down the hill. That kid likes to mix it up!

I had such a great time with my friend and her kids. They are family to us all. My kids call her kids cousins. Jamie is my sister by heart. I just love her. We were able to go shopping, see a couple movies, eat out, play games and just talk the night away. She even did all my laundry. It was quite a feat and very much appreciated. We also got to play games with one of my other friends here which was a blast!

New Years was so much fun! We did sparklers,

Fireworks,

and toasted in the new year!!

I even got my New Years Kiss!!!

Happy New Year 2011........But wait!

I was outside toasting my friend and Dennis comes out and tells me not to worry, Chris is okay, but there has been an accident. I don't care who says my son is okay, car accidents freak me out. I was widowed by a car accident and both my grandfathers died in a car accident and one on New years eve. Camron had called Dennis. I couldn't get there soon enough. When I got there I saw something like the photo above. I was too much of a nervous wreck to take a real picture. Plus it never crossed my mind. Christopher was already in the ambulance, so I hopped in. My mom's car was down a ditch. Christopher and the car were not injured at all. Not one scratch on either of them. Christopher was alone and he must have passed out. He said he felt dizzy and tried to pull over. That is when I believe he passed out and a heavenly helper drove him off the road in the opposite direction to safety. The car was going very slowly and the snow stopped the car. What a blessing. It took a few hours, as usual, to get him to be coherent. It was a long first few hours of the new year in the E.R. We got home close to 5 a.m. What a scary night. We were truly blessed.

Other things seem to be looking up as well. We found my step-son's missing dog. The happiest news besides Christopher's life not being in danger is that Dennis, after three years, has gotten a full time job. YAY!!! He is going to keep his two part time jobs, but I think that is crazy and hopes he burns out soon so I can spend more time with him. I miss him when he works so much. The blessing I truly want has not come my way, yet. I am hoping and praying for a miracle!!! Jamie and her kids left on Sunday morning. We all miss them and can't wait to see them again soon. Thanks for coming my friend. I love you and your family. We all love you!!!

Christmas 2010

2010-12-25T23:39:00.006-07:00

Our Christmas this year started on Christmas Eve Eve. We all gathered that evening as a family and watched "The Nativity Story". It was a wonderful reminder of why we celebrate this time of year. Christopher followed the movie with a very wonderful lesson and poem he had written. It was so beautiful. It was a great start to a wonderful Christmas. I am sure glad we are able to understand the meaning behind Christmas. I am ever so grateful for the birth of my Savior.
Since Dennis had to work on Christmas morning we had to do things a little different this year. Dennis took the kids on an errand in the afternoon while Santa came a little early. When they got home the stockings were filled and they went on a hunt for their presents from Santa. After they found their gifts we all gathered around for the opening of the presents. Annabelle LOVED opening her presents!

Dennis liked his gifts too. His big gift from me was 12 new pairs of garments. He was thrilled. I'm not even joking....he was very excited.

Okay, so this is the best picture. I love it!!!! I locked Emily out of her room right after Thanksgiving. I told her that I was hiding all of the gifts in there and she was locked out until Christmas. I don't think Joseph enjoyed the extra company for a month, but it was necessary. I worked so hard remodeling her room. It was a frightful mess because she had too much stuff and she needed space to work. My first purchase was a beautiful desk from D.I. It is huge and sturdy and perfect for her to make her creations. The next step was a chair. I found a zebra one that I loved and the rest of the room fell into place. I found zebra bedding, a lamp, a rug, wall hangings, etc. It was all coming together nicely. It took me many hours of work to get it together, but every minute of effort is so worth it to see that face. I covered her eyes and when she opened them she looked around and just screamed and teared up in gratitude. My favorite Christmas memory maybe ever!!

She even woke up on Christmas morning and made her bed. That has never happened before. I love my sweet girl and love that she has a perfect room to live in.

Then there's Joseph. He thought his gift belonged to Christopher. He was so jealous before Christmas. He wanted a T.V. so badly. I shouldn't have done so much, but Joseph just works so hard and I couldn't resist making him so incredibly happy. I had him close his eyes and as you can see when he figured out the T.V. and blue ray player were his, he was VERY excited. He loves having three remotes.

Christopher didn't really ask for anything. Well, a car, but that is never going to happen. I decided he might like a T.V. too. He did, but getting Chris excited is not that easy. I think a car might have been the only thing that brought great expressions of surprise and amazement, but he is going to have to earn that one on his own.

After we opened our gifts, we put on our new jammies. Emily, my mom, and I all had matching ones. The boys all got personalized shirts with theirs. They turned out great. We then played games and eventually watched a movie together before bed. This head bands game is super fun to play all together and you get to look silly too.

The next morning, Christmas, we all slept in! Boy that is a huge difference than any other year. When I woke up I felt like I needed to go to the cemetery at once. I don't know why, but I just wanted to go. I made everyone go in their jammies. We brought Sarah a couple things and all of a sudden I started sobbing. The immediate comfort from my children in the form of hugs was wonderful. I hope Sarah knows how included she truly is in our family.

Joseph played with his new toy and we got ready for Dennis to get home and his kids to come over.

We had a great dinner of Honey Baked Ham. It was yummy. Then we opened our presents to and from Dennis' kids. Christopher received a temporary tattoo kit that his big step-sister gave him. He thought he looked pretty darn cool. Emily gave manicures to her big sisters and Christine, as you can see, a make over. We all played games together before they left. Emily went to bed and my two boys and I went to the movies. I love dates with my boys. We had a lot of fun and got to spend so much time together as a family. Merry Christmas!

19

2010-12-23T12:36:00.004-07:00

So, my baby boy turned 19 on December 10th. It was a a quiet celebration.
He was excited for his mission, but due to some medical issues and such he will not be going at this time. He may go later, but maybe not. This has been a source of much disappointment.

He is now working full time and trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. What a hard crossroads he is at. He has anxiety and depression issues which doesn't help during these hard transition times.

He has to make choices on his own. It is hard as a mother not to be able to fix everything and just point him down the right road. It's hard to let go. Chris is a great young man though and he has a strong testimony. He will do great whatever he decides. I am so proud to be his mother. I love him so much. This is what his friend, Lexin, got him for Christmas. A "Red Rider BB Gun". This is the Christmas card they came up with together. He has the greatest friends and all of them together give me great joy and a lot of laughs.

Happy 19th Birthday Christopher! I love you!

Thanksgiving Weekend

2010-12-12T13:57:00.006-07:00

I am way late posting this, but I have been so busy and so sick on and off. Thanksgiving weekend this year was WONDERFUL!!! My brother and his wife came up from California to visit us. The kids were so excited. They love their Uncle Josh so much. He played so many games with the kids. In order to insure optimum time with their aunt and uncle I made Thanksgiving just us. It was so nice to enjoy their company without the chaos of too many people. Dennis' family ate at another house. Dennis worked at the Temple in the morning, but ate with us and then visited his family.
Dennis carving the turkey. The food was so delicious if I do say so myself and my brother and sister-in-law brought very yummy desserts.

These next few pictures are out of order. I missed these early on during uploading and I refuse to start over. Christopher is in charge of the village every year. He gets great joy out of it. I will probably send it off with him when he moves out. I know it is special to him.

It snowed later in the weekend. The kids tried to make a snow fort and thoroughly enjoyed a snowball fight.

This is my little family on Thanksgiving. I just love them. After dinner we all went to see a movie. It was a great day.

My handsome brother.

The next morning my brother came back over and he helped us do our annual decorating. We went and picked out a tree. It was Joseph's year to pick and he did a great job. Emily and Joseph had just punched each other right before this picture was taken. Emily could smile, but Joseph was still mad. They each brought a friend.

When we got home, it was time to get to work. The boys worked on the lights. Anabelle helped out. Isn't she cute in her jacket??

Joseph did the lights on the tree this year. He did a great job. He is so hired.

We all had fun decorating our tree. I always give them a special ornament each year. Chris got a weightlifting one, Joseph a Lambeau Field one, Emily HAD to have the countdown to Christmas one from the commercial, and Sarah a cute ball that lights up with an "S" on it.

This is how it looks in the dark.

Christopher was so into decorating this year. He loves the Christmas Vacation movie (which I watched with him later that night) and wants to out do the neighbors. He had to get this Santa. It is 12 feet tall. I think neighborhood kids like it, but so does my Chris. Here he is giving him a hug. They finished the outside and it looks great. I love Thanksgiving weekend with my kids. It is the best.

I am so grateful my brother and his wife came up. It was the best Thanksgiving I have had in years. We did talk about things we are grateful for. It was a great experience sharing our blessings and remembering all that we have. We have lost much as a family, but we have also been given many great blessings. I am so grateful for my little house and all who dwell inside. It is our sanctuary from the world and it is our home where love lives and grows and makes life worth living.

Young Women In Excellence

2010-11-14T12:41:00.002-07:00

I just LOVE working with the young women of my ward. I adore them. They are what has brought me joy and peace throughout my grieving process. We had our Young Woman In Excellence last week and it was AMAZING. Each girl got to speak on a way Christ has shown comfort in her life. The Spirit was so strong and beautiful. We made each one of them a blanket to remind them how Christ will comfort them. We picked out the material for each girl and tried to match them to their personality. Just shopping for the material was a great experience. We also did a table display with a section of your personal history and an item that represents you. I put out my scrapbook from Dennis and my honeymoon and a book about my Sarah. Oh we also had to put a picture of ourselves. I put a big one that I had used a program called picnik on it. I erased my wrinkles and used the "thinnerizer" to make myself look way better than I actually do. It was fun and I really was just being silly with that big picture. My display looked like something from a movie where the movie stars sit and get ready in their dressing rooms. Ha, I really don't think I look like a movie star. Just the set-up. I actually bought these flowers for a dear friend who just had a stroke. She moved to ICU and couldn't keep them so I used them to represent how much I love to bring flowers or something to someone to brighten up their day. I will need to bring my friend new ones now because she is out of ICU thank goodness. I hope she can make a good recovery. Strokes are so awful. It is heartbreaking. Below are two of my girls with their blankets. I am so grateful for this calling and for these amazing girls.

Happy Halloween

2010-10-30T22:20:00.006-06:00

Emily was a fairy this year. She told me that this wasn't a costume because anyone that knows her knows she is in fact a real fairy. In fact, she is the "Queen of the Fairies" and all things mystical. It really is amazing living with such an important daughter. For those of you that don't know her, she really does believe these things.
I was the room mother again this year. Doesn't anyone else ever want to do it? I am it every year for every child. Only one class this year, Yeah! Emily wanted me to make my witch's brew for her class. They were all pretty impressed with my brew.

Joseph had a hard time finding a costume this year. Jr. High is a whole new ballgame I guess. He was quite adorable as a little gangster.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture. His friend Spencer and him looked like they could be in a hilarious cop show.

Joseph with a couple of his other friends. He just had to try out the giant woopie cushion.

Then we have Christopher. I thought that he wasn't dressing up, but he went to a college party as Clark Kent. He used fake muscles under his shirt to make him look buff. Ha. He even had a briefcase.

His friends saved him from our ward party and he was gone.

I love watching all of the kids in their costumes. It was a great night!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Pumpkin Carving

2010-10-27T23:56:00.005-06:00

I just love holidays with my kids. Some people hate Halloween, but our family loves it. We love to all carve pumpkins together. Holiday traditions just bring a lot of joy and closeness for us. Josh started the serious pumpkin carving tradition and got Christopher into making very advanced designs. Before Josh, I just had him doing a very simple, uneven, jack-o-lantern. Now Chris has passed this passion down to Joseph and Emily is coming along.

I LOVE Christopher's this year. I think I might have him enter it this Saturday at our ward party. Josh is proud, I just know it.

Joseph is getting better and did pretty darn good this year. He is very serious about it. We were all impressed with his outcome!

Pumpkin carving is quite a frustrating feat for Emily. Usually, she just paints them because she doesn't want to stab her pumpkin friend. This year she wanted to be like the boys. It took a lot of whining and a couple fits, but she did an excellent job. I am so proud of how patient she was to finish this and it looks great!

Going to the pumpkin patch is something we have done for many years. The kids loved it, but the pumpkins were so darn expensive. We decided this year to get bigger pumpkins at Macey's. All of the pumpkins weighed over 30 pounds each. Their scales only go up to 30 pounds so they never charge you for more than 30. The pumpkins were 9 cents a pound last week. That is $8.10 for over a hundred pounds worth of pumpkin. I think we have officially outgrown the pumpkin patch and are in love with HUGE cheap pumpkins.

The Never Ending Birthday Bash

2010-10-18T22:44:00.010-06:00

Emily started her birthday celebrating with her friend "party" on Friday. She dressed in her Halloween costume and we were off.

We went to Pirate Island for dinner. It is like a high class Chuck E. Cheese.
The girls danced on the stage.
Emily enjoyed her free dessert.
Next stop was the movie theatre. We saw Secretariat. We were the first ones there and the girls put on a dancing show. We then came home and the girls played until midnight. Emily said that it was her best birthday ever. Maybe I should have stopped there.
Sunday, we had a family party. I got Emily her very own little cake.
Eleven candles on her little cake.
You know that tradition when you let your one year old smash their face in their cake and eat with their fingers? Well, Emily wants to do it every year. Her big step-sister, Christine helped her out. She loved it! She is a funny girl.

I got my little girl a sewing machine. She is my little domestic girl. She loves to sew and cook. She must have gotten it from my mom. I can't wait to get her started on it.
Today is her real birthday and she was spoiled rotten. Chris and I woke up at six and took her to breakfast at Denny's for her free Grand Slam.
Chris and I picked her up from school at lunch time with some balloons and a birthday crown. We then took her to Chili's for lunch.

After school, I picked her up and we had some girl time at the nail salon. We both got pedicures. Emily is hooked and wants to do this again next year. It was very relaxing.

When we got home her brothers gave her their present. A new guitar. Chris really wanted to get this for her. I hope she actually learns how to play. It is a nice Fender folk guitar. She was excited.
Dennis had to work all day until ten so he missed all the fun. He did send her a very special item. These pink carnations. Emily's daddy gave her pink carnations every year for her birthday. Dennis has carried on this tradition and it means a lot to her. She never lets us forget to get them for her.
When my mom got home we took Emily to the mall. My mom let her pick out a Build-a-Bear. She got a puppy with a couple outfits and fun accessories. She had so much fun at the store. The boys met us at the food court after football practice and we ate dinner and hung out. As you can see, she was treated as a queen. My little birthday girl turned eleven today. She makes life so much fun. I am grateful to have her. As I reflect on her little life, I am reminded how precious her life is and how we almost lost her. Her brain tumor caused some damage, but it didn't take her life. I know things are hard for her and my heart hurts for her struggles, but I think she is pretty amazing just the way she is. Happy birthday baby girl. Mommy loves you!!

Elder Christopher Joshua Moore

2010-10-01T08:00:00.005-06:00

Chris got his mission call this Wednesday. I hadn't slept well for days in anticipation for this momentous event. I got a map and had many people take a guess where he might go. I think we had at least a hundred guesses. I woke up very early on Wednesday morning and called the post office a bunch of times so they could pull his letter out. My mom spent the night out of excitement and at 9:00 a.m. we both drove to the post office and picked up the most beautiful white envelope I had ever seen. My mom and I were DYING to open it!! Christopher wouldn't let us, so we waited, and waited, and waited. It truly was a LONG day.
Chris and his friend Derrick, who will be at the MTC for a week with Chris. Derrick is going to San Jose, Ca.

Christopher and my mom!

We had many friends and neighbors come and join us for the opening of the letter.

So, about 30 minutes before he was going to open it Chris let my mom and I open the letter as long as we didn't tell anyone, including him. I wish he would have let us do it earlier, but I was glad to have the chance to soak it in for a bit before he opened it. Here he is opening the letter. He was called to the Texas Houston East Mission.

I was told that it is dubbed "THE" mission. That is super cool that he got THE mission. He loves cowboy hats and has been looking for a new one. I bet he could find a pretty cool one in Houston. It looks like from the map that he might be in Louisiana a bit too. I cannot express enough how proud I am of Christopher. He has had such a rough road and he is still dealing with a lot at this time, but he has a testimony that is strong and beautiful. He has become a righteous young man that will be a great missionary. I know he will change lives and I know his life will change as well. I cannot wait to watch him grow through this experience. I am so grateful for the gospel and the miracles it works in our lives. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church of God. I know that Christopher will be doing a mighty work. He leaves on December 15, 2010 for the MTC. That gives me a little less than 10 weeks to get him ready to go. I have already cried. I have had my sweet boy with me since I was 17 and I do not know how to be without him. It is a hard experience to let go of my children. I know they need to move forward, but I just want to hold on a little bit longer. I guess I have a few more weeks to hold on and then I need to cut the apron strings. It will be bitter sweet. I couldn't have asked for a better son and in spite of my crazy mothering he has grown in to an amazing person that I get the great privilege to call son. I love you Christopher and am so proud of you!! Congratulations!! You will be a wonderful missionary!

Joseph

2010-09-14T21:02:00.006-06:00

Joseph is such an amazing son. I just love him. I especially love how well rounded he is. He is loving Jr. High. Football season has just started and it is my favorite time of year. Here he is on kick off. The one on the far right. He is so cute.
Emily likes to come and cheer.

Tonight's game he was on fire. He got tackle after tackle....

......after tackle! It was so fun. Everyone was cheering and calling out his name. He was the star of the game. I love it when that happens.

Here he is doing a great block! Chris is one of his coaches this year. It is so great watching my boys together.

Labor day was a fun day for Joseph. He planned a breakfast with some of his friends. He assigned them each something to bring and then had me cook it all for them. They ate outside and played together all day. I am so glad he has so many good friends. He is always with someone.

Joseph is also a good little boy scout. He got several awards at the Court of Honor. I just love that moms get hugs at these things!!!

One thing that I really like about Joseph is that he just plays. He doesn't play video games or watch TV very often. He just goes out and finds fun things to do. The other day I was at the grocery store and there he was with his friends. It was hot out and they were playing hide-and-seek. Very resourceful! He made some great sidewalk chalks murals with his friend the other day. I just love my Joseph!!

Weekend Report

2010-08-30T14:10:00.005-06:00

For my mom's birthday this year I took her to a concert at the Scera Shell theatre. It was a beautiful night with perfect weather and we were in the front row. We saw John Michael Montgomery. I just love his songs. I never like country until I met Josh. He loved all music and I learned a lot from him. I started liking some country music. In fact loving a lot of it. Right before Josh died he took me to a John Michael Montgomery concert. I remember that night so clearly. I can even remember what I was wearing and how right after we went to Gilley's and Josh bought a black cowboy hat that he looked so good in! During the concert at one point during a song he pulled me up to the front of the stage and danced with me. He held me so close. I felt like it was just us alone. Not us in front of thousands of people. I must have had my eyes closed because when the song was over there were tons of couples that had come up. I never noticed. It was just the two of us in that magical moment. One of my fondest memories. I also discovered at that concert that he played a song I was very familiar with. It was a song that played at my step-dad's funeral. It was my mom's and his special song. I cried a little. So, when I heard he was coming to town, I just had to take my mom. We both shed a few tears, but had an amazing time listening to amazing music and having fond memories of our husband's we miss so much!

Yesterday, Christopher was ordained an Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood. It was beautiful. Dennis ordained him and a couple of his friends got to participate. They are all growing up so fast. His mission call is due on September 8th. Unless held up to go over medical issues it will be that day. This is such an exciting time for Chris. He starts Temple prep classes this week. I cannot wait to go through the Temple with him. After his ordination, we had people stop by and have some refreshments and chat. It was a nice gathering.

Yesterday was Dennis' birthday also. We had a nice dinner with his kids. I made ribs for the first time and they were so good. I hope he had a Happy Birthday. He has finally gotten our flu from last week. Poor birthday boy. Now, I need to recover from yesterday's parties and do a million more things this week. Whew, I'm tired!

What a month!!!

2010-08-25T11:53:00.009-06:00

When I got home from my trip it was my birthday. I had so many birthday wishes it just made my day. It was a very nice birthday, but I only have a few years left in the 30's and I don't know how I feel about being 40. Dennis will be 60 by then so I should still feel pretty young. Ha!A few days later was girl's camp. It was AMAZING!!! I can't tell you how much I LOVE these girls. It was so spiritual and unifying. I think all of our testimonies grew. I cannot wait until next year. We won the award for first place for conoeing. They also wrote humble on our award. I think that fits. Our girls were cheering for everyone!

While I was away girl's camp, Chris passed out again. Emily was home alone with him and had to call 911 because she didn't know what to do. She was so brave. Chris also turned his mission papers in to the bishop. We should be getting a call within a few weeks. This was the picture I took so he could send it with his paper. I guess the prophet might see this one. He also slipped on the bathroom floor and hit his head in the shower. Then he lost his balance backwards and fell through the wall in the hallway. I had to take him to the emergency room for a CT scan at 1 a.m. because he hit his head in the same spot his brain contusion was. Everything looked good and he came home. He has had a headache since and has been trying to rest. Poor boy!

Maybe he should have been wearing his famous watermelon helmet. This is some of the silly things my kids and their friends do for fun. They have been making these helmets for a few years now. Thankfully they have learned that the watermelon that they clean out can be eaten. The first time I came home and Chris and his friend were wearing matching halves and a big pile of watermelon was on the grass. Boys are so silly sometimes!

What has Dennis been up to? This. When he is not at work you can find him in his favorite chair sleeping away. A lot of times when I am still talking to him. Sometimes he won't get up and I have to sleep alone. Then he wakes up in his chair and asks why I let him sleep in the chair again. Let him? He won't budge!

My mom also had some heart problems this month. I had the flu on the same day so rushing up to Salt Lake was a little rough. She had to have emergency heart surgery. They thought her heart could just stop any time so they gave her a pacemaker/defibrillator. I brought her home and she fell and hit her head so I stayed with her all weekend. She tried to go back to work too early so she ended up in the E.R. again. this time Emily had the flu. I rushed up and when she was released I made her come home with me so I could take care of her better. We brought her back home and she seems to be doing better.

Joseph has started football again. It is very exciting because he is playing Jr. High football now. Chris is helping to coach his team. I love football season. This is Joseph on his first day of 7th grade. He was so excited, especially about the girls. He said that there was this "freakin' hot girl" that was in almost all of his classes. Oh boy! He also told me that he saw a girl sitting alone at lunch and so him and his friends went and sat by her. That makes a mom's heart happy to know that her 12 year old would notice and do something about a lonely girl. (Not for looks either, for plain old kindness.) He really is a sweet boy when he isn't mad at me.

Next we have Emily who started her first day of 5th grade today. She was very excited and woke up early. We did her nails and her hair. She was so particular this year. She wanted a peace sign messenger bag, not a backpack. She thought she looked so cool this morning. I think she did too. I hope this year goes well for my little girl. She wants to fit in so badly. She said that she might even try being nice so she can be popular. Being nice? What a new concept. I hope she can pull it off.

Wonderful Week

2010-07-25T22:59:00.009-06:00

This is the story of the funnest trip ever! Chris and his friends wanted to go on a road trip for graduation. Since they wanted to go where two of my bestest friends live, I invited myself along. I really didn't want them traveling alone anyways so win win for me. I don't know if they were too happy, but after the week we had, I think they changed their minds. So, we headed out very early morning and headed for Vegas. We stayed at the Excalibur hotel. I got the boys their own room next door and one of my friends met me there.
The boys pushed the beds together. I think it was more comfortable than two on the same bed. They are so funny. My friend Jamie and I played pranks on them and laughed so hard we almost peed our pants. Seriously, when we are together we laugh and I need laughter. Hey, did I mention I had no little kids with me? Yes, it's true. I got to go on this trip by myself. Well, Chris and his friends were there, but they are independent. The next morning I sent Chris off to California in my car and I stayed another day with Jamie.

So, this is Jamie and I. We had quite the adventurous day. We wanted some very cheap show tickets so we went to a timeshare thing. I was supposed to be this single lady and to make a very long story short, I bought the timeshare. Oh boy, I just bought it and I thought Dennis was going to kill me. Yep, that's right. I didn't even ask him. I am just so bad at saying no. I decided to wait until I got home to tell him. It really will be awesome. I really love my new timeshare. So, because I was so LAME and bought it, we got to ride back to our hotel in a limo. We did a toast (with water) and enjoyed our ride home. I received two tickets for three different exhibits. The first was the Body Exhibit. It was amazing. No picture taking allowed, but trust me so good. Then we went to the Titanic Exhibit. It was so cool. They even had the "Big Piece" of the ship on display. It was way fun.

This is the Tournament of Kings dinner show we went to that night. It was fun. They have knights doing javelin and stuff. A very full day!

The next morning, Jamie and I headed back to California. She did a whole fun birthday for me. We got a massage, ate at my favorite restaurant (Claim Jumper), and went to a movie. Another fun day. The next morning I had to say goodbye to Jamie and the boys picked me up in my car and we headed to Huntington Beach Pier. We walked around main street and walked to the end of the pier to eat lunch at Ruby's a yummy 50's diner. It's hard to see, but the ocean is in the background.

The boys and I then got stuff for a bon fire and went to the beach. It was so refreshing. I love love love the beach. Just being there feels so peaceful. All I could hear was the sound of the waves and three big boys giggling away. They were having a grand time. When it got darker, we had a bon fire. We sat around talking and had hot dogs and smores. Such a great day. I miss the beach only slightly less than my friends that live there.

That night the boys and I went to my friend Stephanie's house. She has a daughter that is Chris' age. They have been friend since they were three. We played our favorite game, Trivial pursuit. We played some other games and chatted. The next day all four of the kids went to Disneyland. They were gone all day. Stephanie and I went to the OC Fair. Oh, I so miss this fair. We went every year and it was fun to go back. We then came back to her house and played more games and talked some more. Oh and I went to my favorite restaurant again!! Yay! The next day Chris went back to his dad's house and Stephanie and I went to Disneyland. I realized that I took very few pictures this trip. Oh well, I have great memories. It was another fun day.

The next day Chris came back and we picked up my brother. He had an awesome day planned for us in LA. We went to the Santa Monica Pier and went on the ferris wheel. It was so crowded there and there were some interesting people there too. Next we headed to Hollywood.

We went to the famous Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. There was a big bouncer at the door. I have never eaten at a restaurant with a bouncer. All the boys ordered chicken and waffles. Megan had a chicken sandwich and I just had waffles. The chicken was so good though. I wish I had ordered it. Who knew that people eat chicken and waffles together. It was GREAT food.

After we ate, we walked down Hollywood Blvd. We walked down the walk of fame until we got to the Grauman's Chinese Theatre. We also looked at shops and saw even more interesting people!

I love Julie Andrews!

We were going to go to the observatory, but it was getting late and Chris wanted to see his dad one more time so we headed home. It was so awesome to get to spend so much time with my brother. I had the best time with him. I know there are many people I didn't get to see this trip and I am so sorry. It was pack full. I will be back soon because I realized just how much I missed the people I spent my time with. We left to come home the next morning. It was a long drive and I am tired. I was afraid Dennis would kill me, but he didn't. He knows that I am insane and he didn't seem surprised. Yay! he's not mad. He also helped with the kids while I was gone so he's pretty awesome for letting me leave for 8 days. I didn't want to leave my friends and I sobbed my eyes out on the way home. I am blessed for such a great trip that has truly created memories of a lifetime. Thanks to my mom too. She took the kids part of the time too. I know I left a lot of details and little other things I did, but I think you get the drift. One of the best weeks EVER!! I miss you friends and brother! Oh and I love you so much too!!!!

Being Part of a Family

2010-07-12T10:26:00.004-06:00

What does it mean to be part of a family? I thought I knew when I was a kid. We would go to my grandparent"s house and cousins and aunt and uncles would come down from Utah. We would have dinners and play and spend hours being together. It didn't happen that often, but when it did, it was great. I felt like I belonged and I was just as important as everyone else there. My mom's side of the family we only saw great grandparents here and there. We had no contact with anyone else. I had few extended family gatherings compared to my friends it seemed. When my parents got divorced. My family went away. I was just a kid and all of the aunts, uncles, cousins, everything stopped. My dad didn't like me so I was never invited and not one adult cared enough about me to make contact. I felt like I wasn't part of the family anymore. To this day, I am not included in that family. So, two sides of a family and I guess I don't matter enough to either. I wanted things to be different for my kids. I wanted my kids to always feel loved and part of their family. I couldn't provide much of an extended family, but I would start with me. Chris has a huge extended family, but if he is not directly with his dad, no contact. When I married Josh I thought it was wonderful. For the first time I felt like I was part of a family. We had family get togethers with cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the works. It was so good for my kids. After Josh died everyone acted like my kids would always be part of the family and they would make extra efforts for these fatherless babies. Josh's aunt would send them little treats, his cousin would come visit, everyone made us feel loved and welcome. After we moved to California we become obsolete. No Christmas cards, phone calls and most certainly no visits. We have however been a pit stop for an hour here and there. My children's grandmother, Josh's mom, has had no trouble driving from Colorado to California to visit her parents and has flown out there several times in the past five years, but never here to see the only children of her dead son. A few weeks ago, with no notice she stops by on their way to California to see other "valuable, visitable, important" people. She stayed for about an hour. An hour! She hasn't seen her grandkids in almost 5 years! I was disgusted. We were all so happy to see her. My children adore her and I don't think she has any clue how important her role in their life should be. We were the pit stop not the destination. My kids are apparently not worth, in their lives, enough to be the destination. How does that happen? I have flown out to Colorado with them and driven to California to meet them when they cam down. For the past five years I have never been made to know when they were going to California so we could go down with them or were visited. Josh's sister, who lives across the street from his mom has come for an hour before too, both times on other trips and we were NOT the reason for the visits. I am writing this because I just saw on facebook that his sister, who told me she would stop by on her trip to California is now back home in Colorado. No call, no visit. Nothing. My kids are excluded from everything. Wouldn't you want to love them more if they don't have their dad? Who knows. I don't know what is wrong with us that we are so unwanted. When we are with all of these people, they are kind and loving and make you feel so good, but don't make any efforts to see you for years on end. I know this sounds like a complaining session, but I know that his mom reads this sometimes and I am hoping she will see how hurt I am for my kids that need to be included, probably more than anyone else and just aren't. Hey it hurts me too. I love his mom and family. I loved being part of it. I just wish I knew how to feel like we were part of it. I never want to say anything because who wants someone being kinder because you are hurt?" I want them to visit because they love my kids so much nothing could keep them away. I have friends who make us a destination and that is wonderful. I just hope someday my kids can be a destination instead of the pit stop. Haven't they been gypped enough?

DIAGNOSIS!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-29T10:58:00.002-06:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasovagal_syncope

We got our confirmed diagnosis today. VasoVagel Syncope. You can read about it in the above link. He had his final test today. It required him to be strapped to a table in an upright position and they tried to make him faint. He did. They were able to see what happens to his body during an episode because he is hooked up to monitors. They were also able to see how he has seizure like actions when he wakes up and how non coherent he is. All normal reactions to this type of blood and oxygen deprivation of the brain. He has a few things like more water and salt intake and some compression socks and some exercises he can do as the start of the treatment. The doctor, who by the way is so RUDE, said he wants to try these things first before they move on to medications. . He is a specialist and he is good and diagnosed Chris quickly, but is just a plain old jerk. This also means that he should have no medical reason to not go on a mission. I am relieved and thrilled to know what is happening to my son. Thank you all so much for your prayers. They have been answered and so have mine. On this subject anyway.

Best Father's Day Ever

2010-06-20T17:05:00.002-06:00

Father's Day is not my favorite holiday. I, in fact, detest this holiday. I grew up with a very abusive father. I did go to church when I was little for a very short time and I remember having to sing the "I'm so glad when daddy comes home" song. It made me a little disgusted. I hated when my dad came home because it was just a matter of time before he beat the crap out of me. It wasn't until I was married and celebrated the father of my babies that I began to find joy in this holiday. It was short lived and now father's day is a painful reminder of the father my children have to live without and the father I live with, without our child. Let's just say, it's a rough day for my little family. Today was different. Today changed everything. Today, I witnessed one of the most amazing, beautiful things of my life. Christopher conferred the Aaronic priesthood on Joseph and ordained him a Deacon. That came with a beautiful blessing given by my first born son. The tears were falling rapidly as I felt the spirit prompting Christopher. His first blessing will never be forgotten. He did it with ease and confidence. The spirit guided him eloquently and beautifully. Christopher acted as a father for his brother today. Nothing could have been more perfect to me. Joseph looks up to Chris. Dennis is their step father. As much as I would love for him to be close to my kids like a father, it just isn't like that. Yet. I hope someday things will change. Emily is mean to him. She hates anyone who isn't her daddy. She did hug him today though and said some nice things to him. That was huge. All of the kids said some nice things, but it just isn't the same as their dad. Chris is the next best thing to his brother and sister. There is no one on this earth that could have meant so much to Joseph on this special day he received the priesthood. A mother's heart is full and proud. I am proud of my two worthy priesthood holder sons. Chris and I are taking Joseph with some of the YW on Thursday to the temple for the first time. What a special day that will be as well. I am grateful for the gospel and the joy it brings to the lives of my family. What a blessed day!

Happy Birthday Joseph

2010-06-16T11:33:00.004-06:00

Joseph Turned 12 on Monday! I can't believe it. He was my 2 pound 26 week preemie who was not supposed to be here. Look at him now. We got him a nice bike for his birthday. His friend came with us to pick it out. You can see Dennis paying in the background. He said it was the nicest birthday present he ever received. He is right about that!
That night we took him to a movie. He chose A-Team. Well, really he chose Karate Kid, but his big brother convinced him otherwise. He then wanted to eat at Wingers. It must be his favorite restaurant. His friend spent the night and from the sound of it downstairs, they had a wild time!

The big party was the next day. I just didn't know how big it was going to be. We printed up invites on the computer and Joseph called and texted people. There were over 30 kids!! It was a WILD, but great time!

Joseph and his friends smashed cake in their faces. I should have more pictures, but the party was too wild. We roasted hot dogs and smores over the fire pit. He got a ton of gifts. I love this bag from one of the girls!. It was a long tiring night, but a party I don't think he will ever forget. He better not forget because I never want to throw one like this again!! Too much work! He's worth it though! Happy Birthday Joseph. We Love You!!!!!

A New Friend and a Graduate

2010-06-12T14:09:00.007-06:00

When my mom moved out she took her dog with her. Dennis started missing her. I asked him if he would want a dog for Father's Day. He said only if it was a beagle. So, on FHE Dennis was working and the kids and I found this great deal on an 8 week beagle puppy. He is playful and curious and a lot of work. I forgot how much and think "what did I do" sometimes, but he is part of our family now. We let Dennis name him because it is his dog (a dog he really doesn't want and certainly doesn't want to have to take care of). He named him "COPPER". I think he is starting to grow on Dennis.

All of the kids adore him!

Dennis with his thoughtful gift! Ha! The kids gave him some great company on his first night in his new home. Anyone who wants to walk or play with our puppy, just let me know!

He did it!!! He graduated! This last year has been so difficult for Chris medically that he could not graduate with his class two weeks ago. It has been hard for him. Although he has been reassured by doctors, family and friends that it was out of his hands and no one looked down on him, he couldn't help feeling down on himself. We went to the adult school and got all of his credits readjusted. He did some work and took some tests and he is now the proud recipient of a high school diploma. We are so excited and proud of him. I am mostly excited that he is relieved and able to move forward. At least in this area. He is still not feeling well quite often. He gets his heart monitor off tomorrow and he will see the cardiologist for the results next Monday. I hope we have something more definitive by then.

As a result of our excitement for this milestone for Christopher, we celebrated! We gave him a graduation party last night. All of his friends were there. I didn't get pictures after all of the teenagers arrived I realized. We kind of let them do their thing. I did hang out towards the end though. He has some crazy, but amazing friends!

Christopher had his senior photos taken and his announcements done. I think they turned out great. What a handsome young man. Congratulations Christopher! We love you and are so proud of the person that you are!

Happy Birthday Sarah

2010-06-05T14:58:00.007-06:00

One year ago today I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She died 15 minutes later. I have ached for her everyday of the past year. It has been a hard trial for me, but today I realized just how hard it is for our whole family.
My friend, Katrina, brought these flowers by for Sarah and I. I set them on the piano by her lovely picture. My friend Alesha brought me some bath salts and a sweet angel bell for Sarah.

My friend Stephanie sent these from California for me and Dennis brought these pink roses to me from Sarah.

My friend SuetWan brought this Pooh Bear for Sarah and I found it on her grave.

We celebrated our love for her at the cemetery. We let balloons go up to heaven for her.

We all wrote her special letters that we read and put in a box on her gravestone. You can read my letter after this picture.

My Sweet Baby Sarah, June 5, 2010
Happy Birthday! One year ago today I was blessed to become your mother. Every moment of your brief life I have ingrained in my mind and heart. Your life was slipping away before it even began. I cherish those moments of breath I was able to watch you take as you lie on my heart. I had hoped for so much more time with you in this life, but it was not be so. Your destination was far more wonderful than this earth. I’m glad you are safe and bound for Celestial glory. That is the hope of any mother for her child. I miss you more than words can express. I hope you know the love I have for you in my heart. I cannot wait until the time when we can be reunited. My memories of you are very few. I hurt and ache to know you and be with you. There is a piece of me with you that is not here with me anymore. I am trying to get used to the new person I am without that missing piece. I have struggled with my faith and testimony at times. It is a hard thing to understand. Thank you for preparing me before I even knew who you were for this experience. It has strengthened my testimony in knowing that this is Heavenly Fathers will and plan for your life. I know so many things about how we will be together again and the plan of salvation in my mind. My heart is falling far behind and does not have the same comprehension. Maybe one day it will catch up with my mind. I have muddled through this year trying to honor you the best way I could. There were times I even gave some of your things away to other little baby girls. I know you don’t need those things, but it was hard to do. I felt like you would be happy seeing your things go to sweet baby girls who weren’t as lucky as you to skip this earthly experience. As I prepared for this day, it became more painstakingly clear that I am so at a loss as to what to do to be your mom. I want to do for you as mother’s do for their children. Doing for my children is what I live for. I go to stores and search for things and I just cry because I feel so unable to serve you my sweet Sarah. I know to live righteously and prepare to be worthy to live with you would be the way to go, but I just have these empty arms that want to nurture you. I am far from being worthy to live with you, but I am working on it. I have decided that instead of bringing you flowers here to your graveside I will give them to others to brighten their day. I know how wonderful it feels to receive flowers. It brightens up my day. Bringing flowers and setting them here on the ground only to come and find them dead in a few days does little to ease my heart. I feel that if I brought flowers in your honor to people I think might need them to brighten up their day it might lift my heart a little more and I believe you would enjoy seeing these flowers going to brighten others lives. Much the same way your little things have gone to other baby girls. I have done that quite a few time over this last year, but I want to make it official today. I am calling it the “Sarah Sunshine” program. Whenever I have that longing to do something for you Sarah I will go brighten someone’s day in your honor. It brings me great joy to even think about it. I sent someone flowers that needs their day brightened today for you. I am putting a little figurine on your grave today with the title “Love is Patient” I love you enough to wait to be your mother until the millennium. I hope my waiting can be more peaceful as time goes on. You are not here with us physically, but you are here with this family always. We talk about you and have your picture centered in our living room so you can be a part of our lives daily. You will always be remembered, loved and greatly missed until we meet again. I know you are with the Lord and He is looking after you my sweet angel . Happy Birthday beautiful daughter. Your mommy loves you.
Love,
Your Mom

Joseph was too emotional to read his and Emily cried while reading hers. Dennis even bought her this tiara for her birthday. Her big sister's, Christine and Stephanie brought her a little doggie with her name sewn on. I bought gourmet cupcakes and had this one decorated especially for Sarah. It even has her name on it. Shopping and preparing for these festivities was not an easy task. I broke down and left a dozen stores in tears. It is a hard thing to prepare for. I miss my daughter so much. Joseph went off by himself and couldn't stop crying. I didn't know his sweet heart was hurting so much. All of the siblings were tender and tearing up. It was a sweet celebration, but it brought up a lot of emotion as well. We all miss our sweet daughter/sister.

Our wonderful friends, the Fronks, came to celebrate with us. Their niece is staying for the summer and Emily and her have become great friends. What a blessing to have such a great friend for Emily this summer. The letter Chris wrote is under this picture. The other letters I don't have a copy of. They are in Sarah's box at the cemetery, but they were sweet and heart wrenching to hear at the same time. Joseph and Emily proclaimed their love and how much they miss her. My heart hurt for them.

Precious princess,
You have definitely changed your family’s lives from the minute we found out about you. Your short time on this earth took you so far baby girl, you are a perfect being, a perfect angel, and a perfect part of this family. We all cannot wait to hold you in our arms and join you in the celestial kingdom where you wait for us. Although we know you are happy and are in a much, much better place than we are, we do still miss you and sometimes long for you. Especially our sweet mother who loves nothing more than her babies. I hope on this day you feel honored and loved, and we will try to show you that our hearts do not just feel sadness, but joy as we have you to look forward to and look to you for example, so that we may join you eventually. I want you to know, Sarah, that you have changed me for the better, and have opened my eyes to so many things, and most importantly have been a huge blessing for me to know, and be related to a celestial being such as yourself, it’s nothing short of a miracle. On this day one year ago I held your little body and made you a promise that I will do what it takes to live my life so that I may hold your spirit when the time comes. The little breaths you took, took you really far sweet child, I’ll never forget it, or you, or the blessing you are.
Love,
Your big brother, Christopher

When we got home from the cemetery we had a special delivery from my great friend, Jamie, and her family. It is so beautiful I set it up on the piano for the picture and her little head is right next to it, but I am taking them to the cemetery for Sarah later tonight. I got some very sweet emails and comments on facebook. Thank you for all of you that remembered my Sarah's birthday and the tender day it is in our lives. Your love has lifted us and helped us celebrate the love we have for Sarah Marie Ige. Happy Birthday my sweet daughter. I love you! We all love you!

He Did it Again!

2010-06-04T18:06:00.002-06:00

Wow, this post is way passed due. Last Saturday night, Chris passed out again. He said that he wasn't feeling very well and that he felt "heavy" and light headed. I had Dennis take him downstairs to the couch so I could watch him. He lost consciousness right as he got to the couch. He was only unconscious for under a minute this time, but when he woke up he would not respond to us. He was clutching his chest and couch cushions like he was in pain with no response. I tried to lay him flat, but it was difficult. I wanted to drive him to the hospital, but I didn't know what to do. I got our neighbor thinking he could help me get him to the car, but it was no use. Chris was gasping for air and shaking and not responding. My neighbor called 911 while we tried to get Chris to respond. Another great trip to the ER. His vital signs were great and they didn't want to run any more tests because they had access to all the ones they had already run. They checked his blood work and of course, it looked perfect. They gave him another heart monitor to wear at home. He will wear it for 2 weeks. I am trying to get him to be as active as possible while he is wearing the monitor so it can hopefully pick something up. I let him do "supervised" activities. I even sent him to 7 peaks with his friend, a life guard. He came back tired, but seemingly okay. When we go back for the heart monitor results I hope to have some answers or I may pull my hair out. He does seem to be doing much better. Even in the craziness I feel a certain peace. I get very upset when we are in the ambulance and I know something is just not right, but I do feel a peace that things will be okay. It has been a rough week with trying to prepare for Sarah's birthday tomorrow, but there was some good news. Chris was not able to graduate with everyone else due to the medical problems this year. We went down to the adult school at UVU and found out that he had way less to do than they thought. He was even able to test out of some packets. He took an assessment tests to see if he could test out of packets and he received the highest score possible. Way to go Chris and way to go on being completely done and getting your diploma next week. What a sigh of relief for him and me too. I have to recognize these little blessings or I may lose my mind!

Happy Graduation Joseph!

2010-05-27T21:08:00.014-06:00

Today was a big milestone in Joseph's life. He graduated from 6th grade. He was asked to be one of the speakers. Here he is looking nervous before his speech. He did a great job and a link to the video of the speech can be found on my facebook page. This bottom picture is him getting his diploma.

Christopher & Joseph

Joseph & Dennis

Joseph & Nanny

Joseph & Emily

Joseph, Christine & Stephanie

Joseph with his diploma

Joseph with some of his friends. The cute girl in the middle is who he would be betrothed to if that was still allowed.

Two of his bestest friends!

Joseph wanted his graduation celebration to be at Wingers.

After we ate, we came home for some cake and more celebrating. It was such a great day. It was hard to contain the emotion during the ceremony. He is my little baby boy and it is so hard to watch him get so big so fast. I'm so proud of him and even prouder to be his mom! Congratulations Joseph! We love you!

Update? Not So Much!

2010-05-26T13:27:00.002-06:00

So yesterday was the stress test of Chris' heart. He had worn a holter monitor last week and had an echo done last week too. Guess what? All of those darn tests look great. Good news and frustrating news. He still does have an inverted T line, but that may or may not have caused his loss of consciousness. They categorized it as a "non-specific abnormality" WHAT? So he may just have this electrical glitch that may or may not cause him problems, but for now he can resume all normal activities without restrictions. He will next week get another monitor he will wear for two weeks just as a final precaution. Wow! No answers. I should have figured. Back to square one. We will probably never know what caused him to lose consciousness or why he gets light headed or why he has tremors in his hands and arms. I know in my heart there is something, but I don't know how to push anymore. He's had all the tests I can think of. I guess it will be a hoping and waiting game. He is excited to drive, but the mono keeps him pretty home bound. We are all sick. Do we all have mono? Maybe. It is very possible at this point. I'm just barely getting through the day and have to keep checking kids out of school and bringing cough drops and doing breathing treatments and getting more ibuprofen. Good thing Gatorade is on sale at Macey's for 50 cents. I bought 20. Trying to keep the liquids in all of us. I wake up so miserable every morning, but can handle some things by afternoon only to feel miserable again before bed. Sleep is not restful. I hear kids getting up for drinks because they are all miserable too. Even Dennis is sick. Joseph Graduates tomorrow so we better muster up strength for that. It is sick little world we live in.

Squiggle

2010-05-24T08:49:00.003-06:00

Our sweet neighbor Jacque made this awesome friend for Emily. His name is "Squiggle". She LOVES him. I saw Jacque making these and commented on how much my daughter would love a cute little guy like that. About a week later she showed up on our doorstep with one for Emily in her favorite color I might add. She was thrilled! She takes him everywhere and they have already had many adventures. Thank you Jacque! You are wonderful and made my daughter so happy!

Emily's Chorus Performance

2010-05-20T09:34:00.004-06:00

Last night was Emily's chorus performance. She did a great job!

Her brothers were very sweet and supportive.

Andraia and Chloe and their mom, Teri were so kind to come support Emily. We just love their family!

Now anyone who knows how much Emily "likes" Dennis should know what a special picture this is. She is smiling next to him. I just love this picture!

She looked so pretty tonight. She had her hair specially done by Kristie and she had to wear her red lipstick and she found this sparkly piece of material to drape over her shirt. She felt pretty and that is what matters most and what made my heart smile for her. Good job Emily! We love you!

Crazy Hair Day

2010-05-19T07:39:00.003-06:00

It's that special day of the school year that my kids just love. Joseph always just goes for straight color. Emily wants to be as wacky as possible. We used some cups to give her some volume. She was quite pleased with her look this year. She would do crazy hair day everyday if she could!

Happy Birthday Kristie

2010-05-17T20:34:00.007-06:00

Last week was Kristie's birthday. I let Chris out of the house for a couple hours so we could take her out to dinner. We went to Pirate Island for the first time.
Joseph and Chris had an intense game of air hockey.

Joseph brought a few friends and all the kids seemed to have fun. All the boys were very kind and gave Emily all their tickets. She had 800 and traded them for about 800 pices of junk. She enjoyed every minute of it.

Emily helped me make her a cake and we sang and celebrated when we got home. Happy birthday Kristie. We love you!

World's Fair

2010-05-14T12:10:00.005-06:00

Today was the world's fair at school. It is like a country report with a lot more flair. Chris' illness caused a lot of delay on these projects and we spent all night getting this ready. We had a team of helpers. I got him some Mardi Gras decorations to wear. He though he looked pretty good.

Chris' friend, Lexin helped make this Eiffel Tower out of popsicle sticks. Then Joseph spray painted it. There is a picture of Joseph's great, great grandmother in front of the Eiffel Tower. Joseph also made crepes the other night which is documented on the poster along with 10 famous people. I think he did a great job and it turned out great!

All the classes get to come see everyone's displays. I caught Emily at Joseph's booth asking for the feather mask when his project is over.

More Tests and a lot of PATIENCE

2010-05-13T14:36:00.002-06:00

The neurologists appointment was yesterday. She informed us that Christopher's EEG was normal. His MRI also showed that his contusion is almost all the way healed. She does not believe he had a seizure or that he has any signs of any neurological defects. Good news on that end. He is still post concussed which means he still has to strengthen his memory skills and slight headaches, but other than that his head is getting much better. The cardiologist was today. They said he may have had a heart attack, but they don't know. He does have an inverted line of some sort. I didn't get the details perfect because they don't know the answers yet. We have two more weeks of testing. There is something definitely abnormal though and it could be serious or not very. They want to rule out an enlarged heart as well. He has to wear a monitor next week for five days and the next week have an echo cardiogram and a treadmill stress test. The 27th is when I get the results of all of those tests. I'm not going to stress because I don't have the answers and if something is serious I can stress out when I know. He does have mono and that will keep him resting until we do know what exactly is wrong with his heart. His sickness probably made his heart work harder and that may have caused his loss of consciousness. I am not a patient person and I hope I can make it through the next two weeks without going crazier than I already am. Thanks again for all the sweet phone calls and messages. I especially appreciate the dinner tonight. I have three school projects of Joseph's due tomorrow that have been postponed due to Chris' illness. It was so nice to work through dinner and have a dinner my kids would eat delivered by a beautiful friend. I am so blessed by the angels in my life.

Heart?

2010-05-11T16:51:00.002-06:00

Okay, so yesterday Chris had an MRI of his brain and an EEG. The results should be back tomorrow. We went to his new internist who did an EKG today. He said that the EKG was abnormal and he needs to see a cardiologist immediately. So, he goes in on Thursday. On top of that he may have mono. Great right? Oh my! We should know some of the results tomorrow and also the neurologist apt is tomorrow. Wish us luck. I quit my Census job today. I can't even concentrate on anything else. Chris' dad is here from California going to all the apts. with me. I think Chris likes having his dad here. Emily has been having serious melt downs everyday, we have a country report plethora of projects due Friday and listen to this......Joseph AND Emily have sore throats. Yeah for us. I am so in a daze. I will update again tomorrow. Thanks for all of your prayers and love. We have been pampered with baked goods, dinners, cards, visits and I got a special mother's day treat in the mail from my "Great" friend that made my day. My friend Teri even took my kids in the middle of the night so we could rush off to the ER. Thanks to all who bring some sunshine into my rather dreary days lately. Love you all!!!

Back in the ER

2010-05-09T22:08:00.002-06:00

Last night Christopher had to go back to the emergency room. His head felt like it was going to explode. He was crying and shaking and I had never seen him in that much pain. It was the most crowded ER I had ever seen. We had to wait for hours while he cried in pain. When we finally saw the doctor he said that Chris was leaking spinal fluid. Your brain floats and since Chris did not have enough fluid, his brain was just sitting on and sagging down all the nerves that are under the brain causing excruciating pain. It was caused by the spinal tap he had at the ER the other night. To fix it, they drew blood out of his IV and injected it into his spine causing a clot to put pressure on the hole the fluid was leaking from. It has worked very well. His pain subsided. Unfortunately that causes severe back pains. His throat and back hurt now. We didn't get home until after 5 a.m. It was one tired mother's day. Now I need to try and get some sleep because I have to wake up at 4 a.m. and keep Chris awake until his EEG in the morning. I feel like a zombie. I pray that they can tell me what is happening to my son. He needs the right help and I need some rest. What a long scary weekend!

911

2010-05-07T10:02:00.003-06:00

I don't know why a lot of things have happened in my life. The only thing I do know is that my children are my everything. I have had to feel the sting of thinking they were all going to die and my Sarah did. Joseph was my first almost death. The doctors told us that he would surely die. I was in the hospital with him at 20 weeks gestation and he was already in the birth canal. That little boy held on for six more weeks while I lay motionless and helpless just waiting for his death. Even after he was born at 2 pounds they gave him grim odds of survival or quality of life. He is truly a gift, a miracle, a joy straight from Heavenly Father. The next happened during my pregnancy with Emily. I started bleeding. So much that it was running down my legs and filling my socks with blood. When I got to the ER they said I had lost the baby. They sent me into ultrasound for the final verification and there she was.....doing flips. I mean literally she was flipping all around like a crazy person. They have no medical explanation for what happened. Which is exactly the phrase one of my doctors said with Joseph. He said, "I don't know what you believe, but there is no medical explanation for why you are still pregnant." Emily was born and things were just fine until she was 2. She had the strangest behavior and no doctor took me seriously. It was just a few days after she turned three that I took her to the emergency room and told them that I would not leave until they told me what was wrong with my daughter. They treated me like the crazy mom and ran a few tests. A now humble doctor came in and told us of the huge mass on my daughters brain. death was imminent. Surgery needed to be done within a few hours. They didn't know if she would even live through the surgery. I had to kiss that little girl like it was the last time I would see her alive. She made it through and does have some damage to her brain which we have to deal with daily and believe me it is a challenge especially for her. Then next was Sarah. She did die and that has been the most heart wrenching experience of my life. I am still hurting and the pain is still very fresh at times. Last night, I thought Christopher might be dead. I heard a big thug upstairs and I told Dennis to check and see if Chris had fallen. He thought I was being strange to think that, but went upstairs to find Chris laying facing down on the ground. I ran upstairs and tried to arouse him with no response. I rolled him over because I seriously couldn't tell if he was breathing. I thought he could be dead. I screamed his name and kept trying to get some response while Dennis called 911 and Joseph looked on. Emily was asleep through everything, thank goodness. I finally saw his chest rise and fall and could feel his heart beating rapidly, but still no response. When the ambulance arrived he was still unresponsive. It took them a while, but he started to wake a little, but was incoherent. I rode in the ambulance with Chris. It was all I could do not to break down and start crying. I was scared. Joseph was at home crying and I wanted to comfort him so badly, but couldn't be in two places at the same time. He was so scared for his brother. It took a few hours before Christopher gained full cognition. He had many friends right there by his side in the ER. They ruled out many things and came to the conclusion it was a probable seizure. He will have an EEG on his brain Monday. He received a blessing and there was much talk after from our Bishop and counselor about Chris getting better for his mission. Chris was out of it, but said, "I'm going on a mission. I promised Him." I asked him several times who "Him" was and finally he said in a quiet voice, "Heavenly Father". I don't know if that means he has been praying a lot and talking to his Heavenly Father or if he spoke with him for a brief moment last night. Either way it's good to know my 18 year old speaks to his Father in Heaven. I will ask him later when he wakes up. He is still asleep. We didn't get home until about 4ish and I am tired, but can't sleep. I just got Joseph off to school. I let him sleep late. It was a scary night. I hope we can get some answers soon. For now he can't drive or do much of anything alone. I am grateful he was safe at home last night when this happened. Having also had a spouse die, I have looked into the face of death many times over the past decade. I keep thinking about what I'm supposed to be learning. I'm still not quite sure. I have learned that life is precious and fragile and should be cherished and never taken for granted. I have also learned that my life will never be what I had hoped for, but I need to make sure what I do have I learn to appreciate better because just when you think the best parts have been taken away, a reminder comes to show you that you have more to lose and those are the precious gifts that need our focus. Heavenly Father knows what he is doing. I don't. I just hope I can do the things necessary to receive the promptings when they come. I didn't mean for a long depressing post, but I was just feeling overwhelmed by my experiences and needed to let them out.

That's My Boy

2010-05-04T20:38:00.002-06:00

Dear Joseph,
Congratulations on being chosen to speak at 6th grade graduation. You are a role model for the rest of the 6th grade and should be proud of the work you have done this year. Your assigned topic is "What We Can Take With Us From Windsor", and should last approximately 5 minutes. If you need help, please talk with your teacher. Graduation will be held on the 27th at 1:00. You will sit in the front facing the audience. Again, thank you for the good person you are. We look forward to hearing from you at graduation.
Sincerely,
6th Grade Teachers

This is the note Joseph brought home from school today. I couldn't be more proud of him. He is a wonderful boy and I love him so much. He is my miracle baby and his life brings me the joy of a lifetime. Congratulations Joseph.........You Rock!

Prom and a Birthday

2010-04-25T17:35:00.011-06:00

Happy Birthday Josh!

Last night Christopher went to his Senior prom. It was his last school dance and he went for the first time with someone he loves. He said it was wonderful. Kristie looked so beautiful. Her dress was amazing and pink is so her color. Gorgeous!!

This is part of Chris' much larger group of 12 couples.
Emily wanted to pose with the pretty girls.
These are my two handsome boys. Chris in his prom tux and Joseph in his new suit.

Today was Josh's birthday. Emily asked me how old he would have been. 35. He was only 28 when he died. So young. In his honor, I made his favorite dinner. It is homemade pot pie. I made up the recipe myself. It is delicious. I always made it for Josh on special occasions and put a heart in the middle for him. It is Dennis' new favorite too.My kids do not like pot pie (or really much of anything) so Emily picked something that reminded her of her daddy. After Emily's brain surgery, she wouldn't talk or eat. One day in the hospital she asked for corn dogs. Josh was so excited that he went across the street to the mall and bought about 10 corn dogs for her. Ha! So many corn dogs I remember for such a little girl, but Emily ate them (not all of them) and she always thinks of her dad when she eats her favorite food. He loves his babies and his babies love him.

They all helped make and decorate a carrot cake for him. Carrot cake is not their favorite. I know they picked it special for their dad.

We all sat around and talked about our favorite memories and sent some balloons up to heaven. Emily talked about the corn dogs and about when he used to shave his head. She would cry and tell him to put his hair back on. Joseph talked about when he won him a stuffed animal from a carnival game and jumping on the bed dancing with him. Chris has the most memories. He talked about how he taught him how to ride a bike and fishing and football games and much more. I have many favorite memories. Some of my fondest are the times he held me up. He was my rock through some very hard times. He never left my side when Joseph almost died and Emily's brain tumor. That man would have done anything to take care of us. His mom called me today. Thank you Heidi for calling me and talking to me about your son that we all miss. It makes me feel closer to him when we talk. I am grateful for your kind words about my mothering skills. I think he is probably happy with how great his kids are doing. I miss sharing all of it with him, but I'm sure he knows all of it. Happy Birthday Joshua! We love you!

Emily's Field Trip

2010-04-23T19:41:00.011-06:00

Today I went with Emily's class to the Museum of Ancient History at Thanksgiving Point. AKA The dinosaur museum.

This is Emily pretending to be terrified of the T-Rex. I think she pulled it off! This other picture below was one of their favorite areas. It has wet sand that they can play in and they played for quite a long time.

This was the group I was in charge of. They all stayed with me very well. The other favorite part is below. It is dry sand they can dig for fossils in. We then ate our lunch in the museum and got back on the buses for the other half of the field trip.

It was supposed to be the other half, but because of time we could only stay here for about 15 minutes. We went to the Kennocott Copper Mines. It has some very cool history. Here are some facts that are pretty cool:

Kennecott's Bingham Canyon Mine has produced more copper than any mine in history -- about 18.1 million tons.

The mine is 2¾ miles across at the top and ¾ of a mile deep. You could stack two Sears Towers on top of each other and still not reach the top of the mine.

The mine is so big, it can be seen by the space shuttle astronauts as they pass over the United States.

By 2015, the mine will be at least 500 feet deeper than it is now.

If you stretched out all the roads in the open pit mine, you'd have 500 miles of roadway -- enough to reach from Salt Lake City to Denver.

This is a tire from the trucks they use at the mines.

The bus ride home was loud! Very loud! I had a great time hanging with Emily today! I love being involved! My kids are my world!

Soccer

2010-04-21T14:42:00.016-06:00

So, it's soccer season. Emily decided to play for the first time. She is very nervous, but thought she looked great in her uniform.

She tried hard, but does not yet get the whole concept. My favorite part is when you try to yell out to her what to do and she turns to you with a very mean look and SCREAMS at the top of her lungs that we need to shut up and other various pleasantries. It is not even embarrassing at all! So fun!

There are times she tries really hard though and I'm so proud of her for doing something so out of her comfort zone and trying something new!

Joseph has started to do amazing the last few games. He is all over the place and even heads it all the time. He is so fun to watch. I took these pictures and laughed with Joseph about his retarded facial expressions! Ha! Love it!