Faith, Hope & Love

So, things have been overwhelming to say the least. I had that second ultrasound on Monday and it went something like this, "There is a cyst on your baby's brain. It could be an indicator of Trisomy 18 or another chromosomal abnormality." I felt that old familiar numbness and disbelief I have experienced several times in the past when given such grim announcements. My kids were there and she said it so mater-of-fact that none of my kids picked up on it. I was only frozen with terror as the rest of the ultrasound went on. I didn't enjoy the humor of the next couple events until a while later when my shock wore off. Emily asked the lady if she could tell if it was a boy or a girl. The lady told her that the baby was sitting "Indian style" and she could not tell. With an excited expression and tone, Emily responded, "That's because we are all Indian here!" With a proud sense of identification to her sibling. Emily and Joseph are in fact American Indian. This baby....not so much! The lady got flustered assuming she may have offended our ancestry and kindly explained that she only meant that the legs were crossed. Emily was wearing her "Emily the Strange" shirt and it says just that in big letters on the front of her shirt. When the lady identified the name of the cyst I grew even more concerned due to the fact that the tumor Emily had and the cyst had practically the same name. I told the doctor about Emily's tumor and asked if they were related. She went on about how Emily seems to have recovered well and seems perfectly normal. Emily stepped in with a correction immediately. "I am not normal, just read my shirt!" How right she is. She is not like anyone else and I love her to death for it! So on to the cyst and the baby. They told me I may want an amnio or this and that. It was all hard to take in. They scheduled me for genetic counseling tomorrow and another ultrasound. I will have much more information after that. I did however take the quad screening blood test the other day and just got back my results that it came back normal. I have also been on the computer for hours doing research and things may just be all right. My response and days have been filled with depression and sadness and a whole lot of serious crying. I have had the nicest friends to comfort me and cry with me. They check on me and the love I feel from and for them is incredible. I had a friend and neighbor come over tonight and just uplift me in a way that I needed so badly. We talked about faith and prayer. I am so bad at prayer. I struggle so hard with it. Her responses were so in tune with what I needed to hear and remember. I appreciate the time she took to come over and even bring the most gorgeous flowers. Especially since she has been going through her own hard times and she took time to think of me. So many people have prayed and fasted for me and that just fills my soul with love. Thank you all who have been so loving and kind to me. Also, my kids are unaware of these goings on as to protect them from unnecessary worry. So if you read this blog please do not pass information on to your kids or anyone who might tell my children. They don't need to worry! I have been reminded about faith. I believe faith and hope go hand in hand and as I practice these principles my inner peace has grown stronger. I was getting depressed about the baby's empty room and started to not want to even walk past it let alone go in it. I have been waiting to know boy or girl before I decorated. I decided it may make me feel better to just go ahead and pick a neutral bedding and start decorating to brighten up the place. I may not know the gender until it's born so I decided it was a good idea. I know it will probably unveil itself tomorrow because I did this, but I am okay with that. It's bright and cheerful and it makes me feel happy. Dennis' mom had just sent us a card with some money (something she thankfully does quite often) so I got the green light from Dennis (not an easy task) to get some bedding. It felt so uplifting preparing for instead of fearing for my baby. I don't know what tomorrow will reveal. It has been a long hard week and I have truly felt the power of faith ,hope and love. Beautiful flowers from a beautiful friend!

The Nursery

My mom gave me her awesome Ethan Allen rocker.

It is so comfortable and so nice!

Alphabet Soup is the name of this bedding.

It is bright and cheerful and I'm starting to love it!