Happy Birthday Sarah

One year ago today I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She died 15 minutes later. I have ached for her everyday of the past year. It has been a hard trial for me, but today I realized just how hard it is for our whole family.
My friend, Katrina, brought these flowers by for Sarah and I. I set them on the piano by her lovely picture. My friend Alesha brought me some bath salts and a sweet angel bell for Sarah.

My friend Stephanie sent these from California for me and Dennis brought these pink roses to me from Sarah.

My friend SuetWan brought this Pooh Bear for Sarah and I found it on her grave.

We celebrated our love for her at the cemetery. We let balloons go up to heaven for her.

We all wrote her special letters that we read and put in a box on her gravestone. You can read my letter after this picture.

My Sweet Baby Sarah, June 5, 2010
Happy Birthday! One year ago today I was blessed to become your mother. Every moment of your brief life I have ingrained in my mind and heart. Your life was slipping away before it even began. I cherish those moments of breath I was able to watch you take as you lie on my heart. I had hoped for so much more time with you in this life, but it was not be so. Your destination was far more wonderful than this earth. I’m glad you are safe and bound for Celestial glory. That is the hope of any mother for her child. I miss you more than words can express. I hope you know the love I have for you in my heart. I cannot wait until the time when we can be reunited. My memories of you are very few. I hurt and ache to know you and be with you. There is a piece of me with you that is not here with me anymore. I am trying to get used to the new person I am without that missing piece. I have struggled with my faith and testimony at times. It is a hard thing to understand. Thank you for preparing me before I even knew who you were for this experience. It has strengthened my testimony in knowing that this is Heavenly Fathers will and plan for your life. I know so many things about how we will be together again and the plan of salvation in my mind. My heart is falling far behind and does not have the same comprehension. Maybe one day it will catch up with my mind. I have muddled through this year trying to honor you the best way I could. There were times I even gave some of your things away to other little baby girls. I know you don’t need those things, but it was hard to do. I felt like you would be happy seeing your things go to sweet baby girls who weren’t as lucky as you to skip this earthly experience. As I prepared for this day, it became more painstakingly clear that I am so at a loss as to what to do to be your mom. I want to do for you as mother’s do for their children. Doing for my children is what I live for. I go to stores and search for things and I just cry because I feel so unable to serve you my sweet Sarah. I know to live righteously and prepare to be worthy to live with you would be the way to go, but I just have these empty arms that want to nurture you. I am far from being worthy to live with you, but I am working on it. I have decided that instead of bringing you flowers here to your graveside I will give them to others to brighten their day. I know how wonderful it feels to receive flowers. It brightens up my day. Bringing flowers and setting them here on the ground only to come and find them dead in a few days does little to ease my heart. I feel that if I brought flowers in your honor to people I think might need them to brighten up their day it might lift my heart a little more and I believe you would enjoy seeing these flowers going to brighten others lives. Much the same way your little things have gone to other baby girls. I have done that quite a few time over this last year, but I want to make it official today. I am calling it the “Sarah Sunshine” program. Whenever I have that longing to do something for you Sarah I will go brighten someone’s day in your honor. It brings me great joy to even think about it. I sent someone flowers that needs their day brightened today for you. I am putting a little figurine on your grave today with the title “Love is Patient” I love you enough to wait to be your mother until the millennium. I hope my waiting can be more peaceful as time goes on. You are not here with us physically, but you are here with this family always. We talk about you and have your picture centered in our living room so you can be a part of our lives daily. You will always be remembered, loved and greatly missed until we meet again. I know you are with the Lord and He is looking after you my sweet angel . Happy Birthday beautiful daughter. Your mommy loves you.
Love,
Your Mom

Joseph was too emotional to read his and Emily cried while reading hers. Dennis even bought her this tiara for her birthday. Her big sister's, Christine and Stephanie brought her a little doggie with her name sewn on. I bought gourmet cupcakes and had this one decorated especially for Sarah. It even has her name on it. Shopping and preparing for these festivities was not an easy task. I broke down and left a dozen stores in tears. It is a hard thing to prepare for. I miss my daughter so much. Joseph went off by himself and couldn't stop crying. I didn't know his sweet heart was hurting so much. All of the siblings were tender and tearing up. It was a sweet celebration, but it brought up a lot of emotion as well. We all miss our sweet daughter/sister.

Our wonderful friends, the Fronks, came to celebrate with us. Their niece is staying for the summer and Emily and her have become great friends. What a blessing to have such a great friend for Emily this summer. The letter Chris wrote is under this picture. The other letters I don't have a copy of. They are in Sarah's box at the cemetery, but they were sweet and heart wrenching to hear at the same time. Joseph and Emily proclaimed their love and how much they miss her. My heart hurt for them.

Precious princess,
You have definitely changed your family’s lives from the minute we found out about you. Your short time on this earth took you so far baby girl, you are a perfect being, a perfect angel, and a perfect part of this family. We all cannot wait to hold you in our arms and join you in the celestial kingdom where you wait for us. Although we know you are happy and are in a much, much better place than we are, we do still miss you and sometimes long for you. Especially our sweet mother who loves nothing more than her babies. I hope on this day you feel honored and loved, and we will try to show you that our hearts do not just feel sadness, but joy as we have you to look forward to and look to you for example, so that we may join you eventually. I want you to know, Sarah, that you have changed me for the better, and have opened my eyes to so many things, and most importantly have been a huge blessing for me to know, and be related to a celestial being such as yourself, it’s nothing short of a miracle. On this day one year ago I held your little body and made you a promise that I will do what it takes to live my life so that I may hold your spirit when the time comes. The little breaths you took, took you really far sweet child, I’ll never forget it, or you, or the blessing you are.
Love,
Your big brother, Christopher

When we got home from the cemetery we had a special delivery from my great friend, Jamie, and her family. It is so beautiful I set it up on the piano for the picture and her little head is right next to it, but I am taking them to the cemetery for Sarah later tonight. I got some very sweet emails and comments on facebook. Thank you for all of you that remembered my Sarah's birthday and the tender day it is in our lives. Your love has lifted us and helped us celebrate the love we have for Sarah Marie Ige. Happy Birthday my sweet daughter. I love you! We all love you!