Being Part of a Family

What does it mean to be part of a family? I thought I knew when I was a kid. We would go to my grandparent"s house and cousins and aunt and uncles would come down from Utah. We would have dinners and play and spend hours being together. It didn't happen that often, but when it did, it was great. I felt like I belonged and I was just as important as everyone else there. My mom's side of the family we only saw great grandparents here and there. We had no contact with anyone else. I had few extended family gatherings compared to my friends it seemed. When my parents got divorced. My family went away. I was just a kid and all of the aunts, uncles, cousins, everything stopped. My dad didn't like me so I was never invited and not one adult cared enough about me to make contact. I felt like I wasn't part of the family anymore. To this day, I am not included in that family. So, two sides of a family and I guess I don't matter enough to either. I wanted things to be different for my kids. I wanted my kids to always feel loved and part of their family. I couldn't provide much of an extended family, but I would start with me. Chris has a huge extended family, but if he is not directly with his dad, no contact. When I married Josh I thought it was wonderful. For the first time I felt like I was part of a family. We had family get togethers with cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the works. It was so good for my kids. After Josh died everyone acted like my kids would always be part of the family and they would make extra efforts for these fatherless babies. Josh's aunt would send them little treats, his cousin would come visit, everyone made us feel loved and welcome. After we moved to California we become obsolete. No Christmas cards, phone calls and most certainly no visits. We have however been a pit stop for an hour here and there. My children's grandmother, Josh's mom, has had no trouble driving from Colorado to California to visit her parents and has flown out there several times in the past five years, but never here to see the only children of her dead son. A few weeks ago, with no notice she stops by on their way to California to see other "valuable, visitable, important" people. She stayed for about an hour. An hour! She hasn't seen her grandkids in almost 5 years! I was disgusted. We were all so happy to see her. My children adore her and I don't think she has any clue how important her role in their life should be. We were the pit stop not the destination. My kids are apparently not worth, in their lives, enough to be the destination. How does that happen? I have flown out to Colorado with them and driven to California to meet them when they cam down. For the past five years I have never been made to know when they were going to California so we could go down with them or were visited. Josh's sister, who lives across the street from his mom has come for an hour before too, both times on other trips and we were NOT the reason for the visits. I am writing this because I just saw on facebook that his sister, who told me she would stop by on her trip to California is now back home in Colorado. No call, no visit. Nothing. My kids are excluded from everything. Wouldn't you want to love them more if they don't have their dad? Who knows. I don't know what is wrong with us that we are so unwanted. When we are with all of these people, they are kind and loving and make you feel so good, but don't make any efforts to see you for years on end. I know this sounds like a complaining session, but I know that his mom reads this sometimes and I am hoping she will see how hurt I am for my kids that need to be included, probably more than anyone else and just aren't. Hey it hurts me too. I love his mom and family. I loved being part of it. I just wish I knew how to feel like we were part of it. I never want to say anything because who wants someone being kinder because you are hurt?" I want them to visit because they love my kids so much nothing could keep them away. I have friends who make us a destination and that is wonderful. I just hope someday my kids can be a destination instead of the pit stop. Haven't they been gypped enough?