Thursday, August 25, 2011
No More Subbing
I really like subbing. I LOVE the kids and I like making some extra money. (Not a lot of money, but some). It does help me avoid my life too. I get to do all my errands when I get home and by then the day is about done. I also am not home until an hour and fifteen minutes after my kids. A lot of stuff happens during that transition time. The sub system went to Kelly Services and I was supposed to go down and get hired on by them, but I felt like I shouldn't do it. There are days when someone calls me to sub and I say yes even if I don't want to. It's hard for me to say no. I have decided that my kids, especially Emily, need me. Emily needs me there to help her with the frustration the day has caused. I am also free to help her with homework. (not an easy task). I get stuff done during the day that I used to ignore and be free to help my kids. So, if I don't go get hired by Kelly Services, no one can call me. I will need to cut back on things (after my Cancun trip of course). I feel such a peace since I made the decision last night. I will also miss all of my little fans at Windsor. I truly adore those kids and having them wave and say hello or get excited when they found out I was subbing. The other night, Emily was so overwhelmed and was having a massive "meltdown". By the end she was sobbing, "I want my daddy!" She sobbed for so long and begged for her daddy over and over. There is nothing more heart wrenching than that. I can hardly bear it. That is something I just can't fix for her. I think not subbing will help me focus more on my broken hearted baby. She is a lot of work, but I adore her!!!! Back to being super poor (after Cancun)!!!! Goodbye subbing, hello operation Help my Daughter.
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7 comments:
You make me want to be a better Mommy, Mindy. And there is nothing more heartwrenching than hearing your child cry for their father, and there is nothing you can do about it. I pray for you guys all the time, because it's a pain that is forever a part of your lives. We love you guys, even though we don't have much interaction with you.
Sounds like you made a good decision. Our priorities should be our kiddos and it sounds like Emily needs your more than all the other kids at school...of course they will miss "the best sub ever!!!". I'm so sorry for your childrens' heartache. I ache myself to be able to help their hearts heal so I can only imagine how you, as their mother, feels. You are an amazing mother and they are lucky to have you. I love you! Maybe now we can hang out while our kids are away?
You are such a good mom! It's always nice to have a chance to refocus. Happy new year!
I'm glad you feel at peace about it. That is what is most important- going the direction He wants us to go. It breaks my heart to hear Emily cry for her dad. I really just can't imagine. You are a wonderful mom, thanks for your example.
You made the best choice! It is incredibly hard to say no to those outside things. But family really does come first. SO proud of you and your never ending will to fight for what you believe in!
Alright, I am going to tell on you. Few weeks ago I took you to the hospital and said it is going to be American Fork because we hate the other one and we were blessed with a great nurse. I told you no more subbing and you finally agreed. I think it is great that you listen to me now that you are a little older. I just know that you do everything for everybody except yourself. Time to put yourself at the top of your list. If you are not healthy, happy and intuned with the spirit you cannot help anyone. All 4 of the kids need a Mom who loves Heavenly Father and herself first. Emily gets in a BAD mood, but not as much anymore and she needs to see you taking care of yourself and she will follow suit. One area that you and I can have empathy for is the Father bit. None of us have a Dad and we will all cry and hurt together and make life more bearable. I cannot wait until our trip as we are going to have so much fun - just the girls. I love you more than I could ever explain with words, but you understand and know that. I want you to take care of yourself and live, I do not want to bury my daughter at an early age. You have serious medical problems that require immdeiate attention. Take care of yourself and live to see all your babies with babies and so on. We both know the only reason to have children is to get the grandchild.
Thank you to Jaime - she is great to you and my babies.
I will always love you best.
That is such a wonderful decision! I think Emily will flourish!! Love ya!
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