Saturday, January 30, 2010

Brain Contusion

So, I guess my break is not coming for a while. I finally got Christopher in to the neurologist. He has always had slight tremors, but nothing too serious. Since his concussion they have become a lot more noticeable and have increased in intensity and frequency. I have been waiting for a couple months to get him in to be checked out. On Wednesday, they did some tests in the office, blood work, an CT scan with and without contrast and an MRI with and without dye. It was a long day. I got a call from the neurologist's office as soon as they received the results. I was subbing and couldn't ask as many questions as I wanted. This is what they told me. Chris has a contusion (bruise) on the front part of his brain. They feel it was probably caused when he had his concussion. A contusion and concussion are not the same thing and they can happen together or individually. He has both. I don't know how big it is, what they will do about it or anything. I am going to call on Monday to get my questions answered. They told me that they scheduled him an appointment at the neuropsychology department at UVRMC on February 11th. Wow, I had to wait six months to get Emily in for her neuropsychology appointment. They said after that appointment he will be sent to the concussion clinic for his treatment. It could range from surgery to therapy and a million things in between. That is what I need to find out. They said that any time after you hit the three month mark of a head injury and there are symptoms or physical signs, it is not a good sign. The Bishop came over and gave him a beautiful blessing that I hope brought him comfort. He is very nervous and has been for a while now, this just made it worse. I hope we can get more answers soon. Patience was mentioned in his blessing so maybe the answers will come slower than we hope. Or maybe the healing. I don't know, but that boy needs a break and I'd gladly give up my break for him to get one. So please keep him in your prayers. I will update when I get more info. For now, I'm a nervous wreck and just hope my baby boy and his TBI (traumatic brain in jury) will have a better outcome than his sister's brain injury which has caused permanent damage. I am very tired.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What's Up?

What do you get when you cross a bad home haircut with a wannabe bad boy? A bald boy. I offered him a perfectly fine paid haircut, but he wanted to do it himself. I guess he messed it up and the next time I saw him he looked like this. OH MY! He is obviously growing it out and can check that off his list of things to do! This is a weeks worth of growth, I forgot to take a picture right away. Let's just say it was a surprise!

Then we have Joseph. This boy is NEVER home. His social calendar is busier than all the rest of us put together. He got two merit badges and a rank advancement at the Court of Honor tonight. He is a good little Scout!

Emily made it to the school spelling bee. She was very proud of herself, as was I. She was very nervous. Her word was "specialty". She spelled it "special". She was nervous and just forgot the rest. She was so sad she cried. I was subbing at the school so her teacher sent her to see me. I got to tell her how proud I was and she started feeling better. She is so hard on herself all the time. She did so good to even get up there and to make it in the first place. Way to go Emily!

N.O.V.A. is the program that the sixth graders go through. Joseph graduated last week. N.O.V.A. stands for nurturing, opportunities, values and accountability. They learn about drugs, media, bullying, honesty, kindness, and much more. This is Joseph's teacher and the police officer who taught N.O.V.A.
As for the rest of us, Dennis is still looking for full time work. It has been a LONG dry spell. He hopes to find a job soon. I have just been keeping busy. I schedule to do way too much and can never finish it all in one day. This helps me get through. I still struggle. I can't get a handle on the things I really want to accomplish with myself. I seem to keep failing everyday to reach my personal goals. They are good goals. I am just not there yet. I hope to keep trying, but some days I don't care about my goals and want to just not worry about more things. I find myself overcome with emotion at times. I hate when it's in public like tonight. I had to pull it together to so I could talk at New Beginnings. Before it started I had to cry for a minute in the bathroom and get my head on straight. Why was I crying? Well, I'll tell you, but it isn't pretty and it makes me seem pretty miserable. I was crying because Dennis took a picture of me at the Court of Honor and when I saw it on the camera it made me realize just how disgusting I really look. I am not on good terms with cameras right now. I just got a sting from that, but I walked into a pregnant mom gush session (which is perfectly normal for people to have). I just couldn't handle it. Especially when the pregnant mom's who were told they didn't look pregnant went on about how big they were. I was the Big one and the definitely not the pregnant one. So the tears started to flow. I hate feeling this way and having to escape from such natural conversations. I feel invisible in my pain. I can do a lot, but underneath it all, it's right there, ready to come up and swallow me. I guess it doesn't help that Josh's death date is Saturday and this is the first year I have another death piled on top. I like to do for others. It is truly the only way I can make it through some days. If I can take the focus off of me and make someone else feel better then it makes me feel better and more invisible at the same time. I guess that is why I feel like a crazy lady sometimes. I don't know what end is up. So, I guess the kids are doing pretty good and Dennis is hanging in there and I am still here and that's pretty good considering!