Monday, June 15, 2009

Joseph's 11th Birthday

Joseph's 11th Birthday was yesterday! He had a BBQ and his menu of choice.....a very manly buffalo wings, steak, and chips! Today he took four of his friends and we went to Wendy's and then Boondocks all day! They had unlimited miniature golf, bumper boats, laser tag, go carts, and 30 tokens. They seemed to have had a good time.
We took Joseph to Denny's for breakfast today.

He helped me write on his cake. Happy Birthday Joseph! I Love You!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Christopher's Song for Sarah

Give me the strength to forgive
The precious moments I’ll never get
Give me the time I need to heal
Give me the letter with untouched seal
That gives me the promise I’ll hold her once more
I have this rose and I’m waiting to give it to you
Who I’ll never forget but whom I never knew
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of thee
I just have to remember, you’re happy, free
Go home baby go home
Your daddy’s waiting round the corner just above the clouds
And from the sky you’ll watch from a better place,
watching with your sweet loving face
The little breaths you took, took you really far
As I think of what a beautiful spirit you are
“ Come home, little one come home”, he says
“I’m waiting around the corner, just above the clouds”.

This is the song Christopher wrote for Sarah. He was too choked up to sing it, but he read the words. He is such a sweet, wonderful young man!

A Heavenly Rainbow

Before Sarah's Burial
After, dear friends put this beautiful pinwheel on her grave.
I have to still order the head stone.

The whole day was rainy and stormy except during the funeral. During the funeral the sun was shining so brightly and the sky was so blue. It started raining again soon after. I had several friends call at the same time and told me to go outside. There was the most vivid colored beautiful rainbow I have ever seen. It was a double rainbow and this picture doesn't do it justice. It was breathtaking. I know it was sent straight from heaven.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

My Letter to Sarah

My sweet baby, Sarah,
I cannot find words adequate enough to express my deep love for you. I have been anticipating your arrival for years before you even started growing inside me. Heavenly Father even told me your name. The day I knew you were finally coming to join our family, was one of the happiest days of my life. My heart filled with complete joy and love. I prepared for your arrival. I even held the clothes you would wear and cradle them in my arms as if you were wearing them. I imagined how you would feel in my arms. I imagined every detail of how your presence would light up our home and our lives. How you would play with your six siblings. I mostly imagined how you would melt your daddy’s heart and snuggle between us in bed. I imagined your life on Earth and how joyous it would be.
I never imagined that Heavenly Father had a different plan for you. You are a sweet pure spirit who needed a body. You didn’t need your dresses hanging neatly in a row. You didn’t need your crib or your room that was lovingly prepared by your whole family. You simply needed a body. I thought you didn’t need me anymore now that you have your body. I was told that is not even close to the truth. I was told that every spirit child needs their Earthly parents to raise them. I just have to wait. I don’t get to miss out on raising you, I just have to wait.
I know you are in a much better place. I’m sure it’s much more joyous than what I had imagined for you. I am proud to be your mother. You are such a beautiful child of God. Every inch of your body was perfect. I love your long fingers and pointy chin. I love your little mouth and long legs. I am grateful that your brief life was peaceful. You lay on my heart while holding your daddy’s finger. You gently and quietly slipped back to your Heavenly Father’s presence. I’m so grateful that you are safe and that you will be eternally blessed in the Celestial Kingdom.
I do however miss you. My heart aches with a pain that seems unbearable. I will miss you until we are reunited. For now you are in my heart instead of my arms. I was told that you are here today and you are listening to my words to you. Words could never express all that I want you to know. It’s hard to imagine my life without you here and it’s hard to imagine what it will be like with you later, but I do know that it will be better than I could ever hope.
I am so grateful to be your mother. I got to feel you inside kicking and moving long before your birth. Nothing felt better than your little body inside of mine.
Sarah, you are part of this family and we love you very much. You will never be forgotten. Thank you for letting me love you. I love you with all my heart and I will miss you. I cherish each moment I’ve shared with you and look forward with great anticipation until the day we will be together again. You have forever changed my life and I am eternally grateful.
With all the love in my soul,
Your Mommy

This is the letter I read to my daughter at her funeral today. It has been raining and dark, but the sun was shining so brightly and the weather was perfect. So many loving people were there and I got to hug them all. I truly am loved. I held up okay during the open house after. I did however go back to the cemetery after so I could be alone with her there. They had already put her in the ground. I never ached so bad sitting there on the ground wondering "what do I do now?" I sobbed my heart out. I'm home now. The guests are gone. The kids are out playing. My husband is asleep and here I sit. What do I do now? I feel lost.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sarah Marie Ige

My beautiful baby girl was born on June 5th. She was 12 oz. and 10" long. She lived for 15 minutes. Slowly slipping away in my arms. I had an infection in my uterus. It had nothing to do with any of the medical problems we were controlling so well. It was just Heavenly Father's plan to give her body and bring her back home. She is a perfect spirit. My heart aches for her, but I have peace that she will be mine to raise one day and that she never has to suffer or be tested. She gets her celestial blessing. What more could a mom want for her child? Her graveside service is tomorrow. I am trying hard so hard to maintain my composure there. I want to be strong for her. I wrote her a letter that I will read. I will post it on my next post as per a request. I have been blessed with much love and support. Wonderful friends that have done so much. Flowers, cards, money, hand massages, neck massages, free airline ticket, free trip to Disneyland, hugs, talks, books, food, errands, put programs together, check on me, pray for me, kind messages and emails, babysitters, visitors, and so much more I can never list it all. These things have meant everything to me and I am so blessed and grateful for all you have done. Even my doctor called my mom to ask my favorite flower so he could send me flowers. My pain is deep and unbearable at times, but the atonement is working so perfectly. I can see the blessings and I can feel gratitude. I am healing. Slowly I know the Savior can bring peace to my heart. I will say goodbye to her little body tomorrow, but know it is only temporary.